What do you do | Page 5 | Vital Football

What do you do

Thanks guys

14- haha! Almost 21 now....

Nah hope my input helps Gator with his situation, if I can be of help i will!
 
GT therapy can be 1-1 or in groups. The majority of professional therapy, such as with counselors/psychs etc is 1-1 NHS or otherwise.

In a few area's there is group therapy. There are 6 units only like it in this country. There is 1 in York. My 2nd lad who has bi-polar has just finished his year doing it. It is 3 and a half days a week from 10-30 am -3-30 pm. It is very intense and usually the people who go in it have alot of serious issues and/or have a diagnosis such as my 2nd lad has of bi-polar. I also did 6 months in the same unit in 2000 just before I fled with the youngsters from the ex.

It has helped me alot when I went into 12 step recovery to know what they were talking about and the books were saying.

At the end of the day The 12 step program is just another form of a model today of what they would call talking therapy with 1-1 thrown in if you want it with a Sponsor who is someone you pick in good recovery who you think you can work recovery with.

Which is best? It depends on the person. The majority don't want to do group work but are actually glad they have after a while because it is also about learning how to deal with people in the real world.

That is why 12 step/community recovery is advocated for anything today as people don't feel isolated and alone with their issues.

There is alot of recovery groups that aren't substance based or anything to do with that are led has self help groups for examples adopted children, adult children of dysfunctional homes and so on
 
randy.stand - 13/5/2013 14:56

Thanks guys

14- haha! Almost 21 now....

Nah hope my input helps Gator with his situation, if I can be of help i will!
Click to expand...

I agree with others that you are very wise and genuine even trying to help when people are ignorant and not just dissing them.

Whilst I said to Gator that he is struggling to come to terms with it as your Mom/parents are/have it doesn't mean as a parent you don't do the right thing. I don't understand any parent who wouldn't either.

Although certain people will say it is different as a person today in recovery I know what happened to me wasn't a choice of life anymore than it was for you. It is what it is. I expect you had your own struggles with coming to terms with it too.

Your Mom had to come out of denial when she seen you happy with another man and clearly she couldn't do that for whatever reason. I hope in the future your relationship will improve. However yes you are right you have to live your life and to be true to yourself.
 
I Most counselors and psychs are bumbling idiots in my humble. Saw what was meant to be one after my brain op, well, 2 years after. Two sat there, stupid bloody bints, no idea what ill health or brain aches were like, they had swallowed a psycho babble book or two.

'what do you miss the most'

'sport and weight training'

'well, only you are holding yourself back'

'you pair of stupid bints, the brain disease and ensuing disability is holding me back, are you getting paid for this aggressive shit, I hope not'

slammed door.

Never again, I could have murdered them.

Help yourself is how I learnt to cope, ask these cretins and if they aren't hugging you they are pissing you off.

Sorry.

:14:

Help comes from within, all this tree hugging talking does my frigging nut in.

:17:
 
It's different for everyone JF. You had a bad experience and it puts you off I know. I remember doing my nut at an alcohol counselor just before I went in A.A.

She asked me what I was thinking and I said 'you really want to know' and then she said 'yes'

I asked her what she would know about 'my problems, real problems' and if she had every been in any of my circumstances and when she said 'no' I said 'so how the hell can you help me, you haven't got a clue. It's just out of theory. You don't even have a tad idea of what it is like'

As the years have gone on you will find that more people in positions of counselling etc have gone into it to help others having had problems themselves they have had to get help for. People as have organisations have realised the need for empathy in helping others.

Yes help and action does have to come from within, however others impute can be of use JF which is how 12 step works in groups from people who identify.

Like I see weekly you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. You either want help or you don't whether you do it on your own or not. It's the person who has to change. All the help in the world can be offered but without the person doing the work nothing will change

 
Right Gator firstly you want grand kids. Pop with me on the school run and I'll show you a few same sex couples who have kids. I'm sure you never wanted a lesbian as a daughter, who would wish a life of persecution and small minded bigotry onto their kids? But she is the same person she was before she "came out" with all those loving traits and annoying habits! I'm sure you're not comfortable with outward display of affection between your girl and hers, I'm not particularly comfortable when one of my lads has his tongue lodged down their latest girlfriends mouth. Tell them you're her Dad and if it was her kissing a lad a girl or a Shetland pony you'd be uncomfortable, because you're her Dad.

Love her for the person she is mate not her sexuality
 
Taken him 13957 attempts but fook me, words of wisdom from the skeggmeister.

I need to watch some lesbian videos just to educate myself a little more on all this I think!!
 
gator - 11/5/2013 22:38

I find this hard to talk about but i feel i have to because i'm going fucking mad.My daughter is living with us and moved her girfriend in (yes girlfriend)what the fuck do i do.I love her to bits but i wanted grand kids off her i'm gutted but do i put up with it or fuck her lover off which is what i want to do
Click to expand...

You want grand kids off her? You speak about your daughter as if she was a battery farm chicken, or brood mare. Do you love your daughter because of who she is, or because of what she can give you? I had a son quite late in life, by the time he has a kid of his own I will probably be dead. Too bad, but so long as he's happy, I'm happy.

Your attitude would have been regarded as obsolete even twenty-five years ago. However, moving her girlfriend in under your roof, that's a different story. Of course she should have asked your permission, and you are being perfectly reasonable in requesting her friend find other accommodation.
 
All bow down to Skeggy!

Also, The Fear, you don't just have anger issues, you are also now a hashtag ****** for posting a hashtag up above. Shame on you.
 
randy.stand - 13/5/2013 20:14

All bow down to Skeggy!

Also, The Fear, you don't just have anger issues, you are also now a hashtag ****** for posting a hashtag up above. Shame on you.
Click to expand...

#imsorry
 
Done a bit of research, I can confirm, it all looks pretty good to me. I might become a lesbian as well I think.
 
Wierd, both posts went.

Gator,

You need to stop being so ***** selfish. You have a daughter who is happy and in love. Unless her girlfriend is some kind of junkie you should be proud of her.

Honestly, this may sound rude, but you did ask for opinions, and my opinion is your type of attitude is archaic and disgraceful, in fact, its homophobic. Think about it, would you come on here and say "what would you do, my daughter is going out with a black man, or a muslim"

Before you say "You are not in my position", I have kids, and to be honest in a couple of years time if one of them has the "coming out" conversation with me, the answer will be "no shit sherlock !" so I do know , and , honestly, I won't give a toss.

As for kids, why ? , I have a gay cousin who has two kids , I have a lesbian friend who has one kid - why does being gay make a difference ?.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but I honestly thought this type of attitude went out in the 80s.

The ironic thing is, I wouldn't mind hazarding a guess you were chanting at John Terry 24 hours ago
 
holtelower - 13/5/2013 21:54

Wierd, both posts went.

Gator,

You need to stop being so ***** selfish. You have a daughter who is happy and in love. Unless her girlfriend is some kind of junkie you should be proud of her.

Honestly, this may sound rude, but you did ask for opinions, and my opinion is your type of attitude is archaic and disgraceful, in fact, its homophobic. Think about it, would you come on here and say "what would you do, my daughter is going out with a black man, or a muslim"

Before you say "You are not in my position", I have kids, and to be honest in a couple of years time if one of them has the "coming out" conversation with me, the answer will be "no shit sherlock !" so I do know , and , honestly, I won't give a toss.

As for kids, why ? , I have a gay cousin who has two kids , I have a lesbian friend who has one kid - why does being gay make a difference ?.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but I honestly thought this type of attitude went out in the 80s.

The ironic thing is, I wouldn't mind hazarding a guess you were chanting at John Terry 24 hours ago
Click to expand...
I don't take any offence at all especially because in the main your right I am old fashioned and pig headed but chanting at John Terry lol where did that one come from try not to chant too much now as it dose'nt take long before i lose my voice these days.
 
randy.stand - 13/5/2013 12:54

I'll add my thoughts. I'm at work on my lunch on my iPhone so if there's any spelling mistakes or missed words, that's why.

Can relate a bit actually to your situation. It's tough, a shock probably and tough to take at first but the key factors for me is that she is your daughter and nothing would change that and secondly she wouldn't choose to do this. It's not a choice. No one would choose to be gay, it's a stupid suggestion to say its not. On the moving the other bird in, well that's up to you, it's your house and if you think that's a bit premature then you'd be well within your rights to say its not on.

The main thing I'd say Gator is just dont push her away because its hard to get the relationship back to what it was. This is from past experience. When I came out to my Mom & Dad they were shocked a bit I think but the reaction wasn't too bad. Actually expected the worst from my Mom because she just doesn't think about what she's saying half the time and will criticise anyone who is different to her, that's just my Mom and it used to drive me crazy when she used to start. But I think that my mom especially thought that its just a phase etc which of course it wasn't and it was okay whilst I was single. Problem with my Mom, she expected me to live at home forever and not spread my wings at all. So then I met Rich and it changed, I introduced him to my Mom & Dad and my Mom was a bit funny with it. She told me she disliked him but that was pure rubbish because she'd met him for like half hour and he's probably the most inoffensive lad you could find. She didn't like it because she hadnt thought I was being for real when I came out and was then shocked when I met someone. The next few weeks weren't very smooth at all, she wouldn't let him come to the house and was generally trying to talk me out of being with him. And I'd had enough. And I moved from home into A flat in town with Rich & one of his mates from Uni. The big shame is, she still hasn't come round to it, my dad just goes along with whatever my mom does and I rarely have any contact anymore. Not me that's broke it off, it's them and I used to be quite upset about it really but realised life is too short and as long as I'm happy it's ok. The plan is to move away from Birmingham at the end of this year anyway and so won't have any problems then.

Rambled on a bit but what I'm trying to say is just dont push her away. It can easily be done unfortunately like me and is the worst thing that can happen. Do what you need to do, if you don't like the girlfriend living there too then let her know but just re assure her that you support her etc because it could easily be misunderstood. Hope it all works out well mate.
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear that mate I really am must admit if one of the lads had been gay it would have hit me harder so i can sort of understand your mother.Is it right most certainly not but when you been brought under a certain code it's hard to see the other side but i'm getting there and i'm sure your mother will so just stick in there she's still your mom and most importantly your still her son she will come round she wont want to lose you for ever she's a fool if she does.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.