What do you do
- Thread starter gator
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The Fear
A Wise Man (once sat next to him)
I had to go to a shrink when my doctors were too stupid to realise I was dying. They thought it was all in my mind. Pathetic session ensued when she agreed there was nothing wrong with me mentally and then the stupid, over paid, under qualified wind bag suggested I took more pain killers but... BEFORE THE PAIN CAME ON.
She was basically suggesting I overdosed as at that time it was impossible to take more.
Nope, not for me, I'll die an early and angry death... it's the way it should be! :3:
She was basically suggesting I overdosed as at that time it was impossible to take more.
Nope, not for me, I'll die an early and angry death... it's the way it should be! :3:
randy.stand
Vital Champions League
I'll add my thoughts. I'm at work on my lunch on my iPhone so if there's any spelling mistakes or missed words, that's why.
Can relate a bit actually to your situation. It's tough, a shock probably and tough to take at first but the key factors for me is that she is your daughter and nothing would change that and secondly she wouldn't choose to do this. It's not a choice. No one would choose to be gay, it's a stupid suggestion to say its not. On the moving the other bird in, well that's up to you, it's your house and if you think that's a bit premature then you'd be well within your rights to say its not on.
The main thing I'd say Gator is just dont push her away because its hard to get the relationship back to what it was. This is from past experience. When I came out to my Mom & Dad they were shocked a bit I think but the reaction wasn't too bad. Actually expected the worst from my Mom because she just doesn't think about what she's saying half the time and will criticise anyone who is different to her, that's just my Mom and it used to drive me crazy when she used to start. But I think that my mom especially thought that its just a phase etc which of course it wasn't and it was okay whilst I was single. Problem with my Mom, she expected me to live at home forever and not spread my wings at all. So then I met Rich and it changed, I introduced him to my Mom & Dad and my Mom was a bit funny with it. She told me she disliked him but that was pure rubbish because she'd met him for like half hour and he's probably the most inoffensive lad you could find. She didn't like it because she hadnt thought I was being for real when I came out and was then shocked when I met someone. The next few weeks weren't very smooth at all, she wouldn't let him come to the house and was generally trying to talk me out of being with him. And I'd had enough. And I moved from home into A flat in town with Rich & one of his mates from Uni. The big shame is, she still hasn't come round to it, my dad just goes along with whatever my mom does and I rarely have any contact anymore. Not me that's broke it off, it's them and I used to be quite upset about it really but realised life is too short and as long as I'm happy it's ok. The plan is to move away from Birmingham at the end of this year anyway and so won't have any problems then.
Rambled on a bit but what I'm trying to say is just dont push her away. It can easily be done unfortunately like me and is the worst thing that can happen. Do what you need to do, if you don't like the girlfriend living there too then let her know but just re assure her that you support her etc because it could easily be misunderstood. Hope it all works out well mate.
Can relate a bit actually to your situation. It's tough, a shock probably and tough to take at first but the key factors for me is that she is your daughter and nothing would change that and secondly she wouldn't choose to do this. It's not a choice. No one would choose to be gay, it's a stupid suggestion to say its not. On the moving the other bird in, well that's up to you, it's your house and if you think that's a bit premature then you'd be well within your rights to say its not on.
The main thing I'd say Gator is just dont push her away because its hard to get the relationship back to what it was. This is from past experience. When I came out to my Mom & Dad they were shocked a bit I think but the reaction wasn't too bad. Actually expected the worst from my Mom because she just doesn't think about what she's saying half the time and will criticise anyone who is different to her, that's just my Mom and it used to drive me crazy when she used to start. But I think that my mom especially thought that its just a phase etc which of course it wasn't and it was okay whilst I was single. Problem with my Mom, she expected me to live at home forever and not spread my wings at all. So then I met Rich and it changed, I introduced him to my Mom & Dad and my Mom was a bit funny with it. She told me she disliked him but that was pure rubbish because she'd met him for like half hour and he's probably the most inoffensive lad you could find. She didn't like it because she hadnt thought I was being for real when I came out and was then shocked when I met someone. The next few weeks weren't very smooth at all, she wouldn't let him come to the house and was generally trying to talk me out of being with him. And I'd had enough. And I moved from home into A flat in town with Rich & one of his mates from Uni. The big shame is, she still hasn't come round to it, my dad just goes along with whatever my mom does and I rarely have any contact anymore. Not me that's broke it off, it's them and I used to be quite upset about it really but realised life is too short and as long as I'm happy it's ok. The plan is to move away from Birmingham at the end of this year anyway and so won't have any problems then.
Rambled on a bit but what I'm trying to say is just dont push her away. It can easily be done unfortunately like me and is the worst thing that can happen. Do what you need to do, if you don't like the girlfriend living there too then let her know but just re assure her that you support her etc because it could easily be misunderstood. Hope it all works out well mate.
G
Guest
Guest
Nice post Randy, strange that you mention your mom a lot and not your dad. I hear stories that its usually dads that take it harder to deal with than mothers?
You say she hasnt come around yet and that you rarely contact them any more. This is very sad!
You say she hasnt come around yet and that you rarely contact them any more. This is very sad!
The Fear
A Wise Man (once sat next to him)
Sorry to hear that randy.stand, as Green Tea says, it always seems to be the dads who have a problem, strange for a mom.
Her loss, you are a top lad, gobsmacked she's been like that with you. You've still got uncle vest though!
Asked my parents who were just round. Mom said 'you're dad wouldn't have liked or accepted it'... dad looked surprised and said 'of course I'd have been alright'
So there you, you can never tell!
Her loss, you are a top lad, gobsmacked she's been like that with you. You've still got uncle vest though!
Asked my parents who were just round. Mom said 'you're dad wouldn't have liked or accepted it'... dad looked surprised and said 'of course I'd have been alright'
So there you, you can never tell!
randy.stand
Vital Champions League
Well my Dad has always just gone along with what my Mom wants, he's never put up much of a fight so not that surprised. My dad don't really care, he was more interested in missing Star Trek on the tv when I told him.
James06
Vital Football Legend
That's actually quite upset me reading that Simon.
It was quite a while ago that I and others off the site first met up and I was suprised at how young you were. You've always had a maturity and good outlook, with good morals, so I'm suprised a parent of yours could react like that to you. Your sexuality is surely totally irrelevant?
Anyway - you know what's right mate, I'm sure you'll leave the door open for your mum and anyone else of a different generation and way of thinking, they will in time come round and realise how silly they are being. Your happiness is all that matters.
Do you think this is a common thing to happen to members of the gay community, and perhaps a reason why members of that community are so close, by means of a support network and family for each other?
It was quite a while ago that I and others off the site first met up and I was suprised at how young you were. You've always had a maturity and good outlook, with good morals, so I'm suprised a parent of yours could react like that to you. Your sexuality is surely totally irrelevant?
Anyway - you know what's right mate, I'm sure you'll leave the door open for your mum and anyone else of a different generation and way of thinking, they will in time come round and realise how silly they are being. Your happiness is all that matters.
Do you think this is a common thing to happen to members of the gay community, and perhaps a reason why members of that community are so close, by means of a support network and family for each other?
G
Guest
Guest
I wonder though as you said in your post "Gay is not a choice"..In other words, its the way you are built? Yet your mother, not being able to come around, is it choice or the way she is built(or a bit of both)? I ask, can she really help the way she is and natural feelings that she has? If she put her arms around you and said "its ok son I still love you no matter what". Would that be her "natural" feeling? I know in many it would but your mother is who she is. If she was anything else she wouldnt be your mother!
I would certainly not give up on her. Maybe go around and just accept her the way she is? As you are in effect asking her to accept you the way you are? A little reverse psychology here but have you thought of going up to your mother and giving her a hug and saying "its ok mom I still love you no matter what"?
I would certainly not give up on her. Maybe go around and just accept her the way she is? As you are in effect asking her to accept you the way you are? A little reverse psychology here but have you thought of going up to your mother and giving her a hug and saying "its ok mom I still love you no matter what"?
randy.stand
Vital Champions League
Yeah I always felt older than I was really when I was in my young teens. The reaction from my mom is just because she's so misinformed about everything. Anyone that's different in any way to my mom is strange. She's also stubborn so won't make the first move to make up. But I'm fed up of putting the effort in from my side. I've still been sending wedding anniversary cards and birthday cards etc. And there was a chance for her to do it at my nephews 4th birthday party a Month ago but didn't happen. Doors always open, I don't hold grudges.
Not too sure about the community being close. I only know 2 other gay guys and that's cos they live in the flat over corridor from ours. I don't get on with many Gay people really cos a lot of them are 'camp' and I can't deal with that, irritates me. I get on better with straight people and that's the majority of my friends. Close to my friends though who have been really good to be fair.
Not too sure about the community being close. I only know 2 other gay guys and that's cos they live in the flat over corridor from ours. I don't get on with many Gay people really cos a lot of them are 'camp' and I can't deal with that, irritates me. I get on better with straight people and that's the majority of my friends. Close to my friends though who have been really good to be fair.
BodyButter
Vital Football Legend
Thanks, Gator. You are a true mate.
I have to say, your daughter isn't much fun though. She kept telling me not to kill myself and that plenty of lesbians live full and happy lives. I told her that was all well and good but I wanted to talk about her muff. She hung up on me. How rude!
randy.stand
Vital Champions League
The issue with that is that she won't allow Rich to go to the house though. And I find that grossly unfair when my brothers and sister can bring their girlfriends/wife/husband etc. Why am I different? She'd be well happy with just me there but kinda pointless as just me going there isn't who I am, it'd just be another lie really. Like I say door is always open but it's gotta be a 2 way thing.
G
Guest
Guest
But if you went without Richard a few times, wouldnt she say one day, "where's Richard"? Which in turn may open the door slightly? Maybe you need to take smaller steps?
randy.stand
Vital Champions League
Nah she wouldn't mate. Guaranteed. She'd just think it was me alone again. Won't work that way. She'll come running back sooner or later, especially with her age, she's no spring chicken and she'll realise she's missing out, especially with me graduating this year. And with my Uncle Vest in her ear about me then it'll happen eventually, probably anyway. If it doesn't, then not sure i can do a lot about it!
BodyButter
Vital Football Legend
I'm sorry to hear that, Simon.
I have a cousin who is gay. Everyone in the family knows it. I'm sure his brothers know it but he can't come out because his mother would never, ever accept it.
It's a terrible thing. He's a good lad but it must weigh on him.
His 21st was a right laugh though. All of his friends were over in his parents house. All of the guys were gay, I'm not sure about the girls. They were singing show tunes and there were so many innuendos and the hilarious thing is that his mother had the time of her life (still completely oblivious to her son's sexuality).
SiggyBrownie
Villa Princess
Simon, I am extremely proud of you and I know you are doing the right thing with your Mom by not closing the door on a relationship with her, however you are correct it does need to be a two way street.
This may or may not help but watching this video and how people responded to a simple question that gay people are asked daily made me think that if more people were asked this question if they would change their views....
http://www.upworthy.com/watch-these-straight-people-answer-a-question-gay-people-have-been-asked-for-years-6
This may or may not help but watching this video and how people responded to a simple question that gay people are asked daily made me think that if more people were asked this question if they would change their views....
http://www.upworthy.com/watch-these-straight-people-answer-a-question-gay-people-have-been-asked-for-years-6
G
Guest
Guest
What are some of the questions and responses, to those that cant access the video?
SiggyBrownie
Villa Princess
The first question is "Do you think people choose to be gay?" and the follow up question is "When did you choose to be straight?".
