Joke | Page 236 | Vital Football

Joke

I think my new girlfriend's a slut.

I asked her if she preferred being on top or on the bottom during sex and she replied "In the middle."
 
A lady was playing golf when she got stung by a bee. The sting was so painful she had to stop play and call for a medic. The medic asked where the lady got stung and she replied between the first and second hole. The medic told her that her stance was too wide :lol:
 
The wife and I went to the doctor's earlier to try and sort out her Tourette's.

But it turns out I really am a **** and she really does want me to fuck off.
 
London has become a far safer place for everybody overnight with terrible deaths and carnage being prevented from happening in the future.

Prince Philip has surrendered his driving licence.
 
A Brazilian Catholic archbishop has banned priests in his district from being alone with children.

He's obviously not keen on sloppy seconds.
 
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade and a slice of orange in the same glass is gonna get a punch!
 
Brummie walks into a tailors.
"Alroit mate, I'd like a 70s suit please"
The tailor says "Certainly sir, would you like a kipper tie?"
Brummie says "Tar mate, two sugars please"...........
 
I've just came home from the pub but I'm four hours late.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Screamed my wife.

I said, "I've been playing poker with some blokes."

"Playing poker with some blokes?" She repeated. "Well, you can pack your bags and go!"

"So can you," I said. "This isn't our house anymore." ..
 
Just found out my uncle has left me a stately home in his will.

I've no idea where Sod Hall is, I'm going to google it right now...............
 
My girlfriend said she wanted our first sexual experience together to be like a fairytale.

So I've invited 7 dwarfs to join in...
 
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