Joke

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"

She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about £50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."

Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.

"Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the £50.00 and handed it to her along with a £10.00 tip.

“And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
 
I knocked on the door of a guest house. An upstairs window opened and the landlady leaned out.
“What do you want?” she asked.
I said, “I want to stay here.”
“So stay there”, she said and slammed the window shut.

(A Tommy Cooper special.)
 
A Jewish bloke takes his wife and mother in law on holiday to the Holy Land. Two days after arriving his MIL drops dead. He goes to see the undertaker to talk about the funeral. The undertaker says you can have the funeral here for £150 or you can take her back to the UK for £5000. He says why should I spend £5000 shipping her back when I can do it here for £150. The undertaker says well 2000 years ago a bloke died here and three days later he came back from the dead, Do you want to take that chance.
 
Not a joke as such, but it made me chuckle.
In a tv detective series two smartly dressed London detectives are investigating a murder in Cornwall.
They approach an old Cornish boy, who as they go to speak, stands up and says " if you are looking for London, turn right and carry on".
He then just walks away and leaves them there.
Living down here that would be so typical.
 
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