What do you do | Page 3 | Vital Football

What do you do

As others have said, we've all got to be PC thesedays, but it doesnt take away natural disapointment of missing out on grandkids (although not necassarily thesedays) and the traditions we've been brought up with for generations. This is changing all the time though, which is long overdue. There certainly isnt the stigma attached that there was even a decade ago.

I have a son and another child en route, and I wont deny I'd be disapointed. But when you think of all life can throw at them, their happiness is the absolute priority. Be thankful your daughter is in a loving relationship with a woman, as opposed to a violent one with a bloke, for example.

I actually think it's a credit to you, your missus and your parenting that she feels comfortable to bring her partner home to stay. That says more about you than maybe you realise.

Also knowing you and what a good bloke you are, you dont really have to ask the question. You have, and will continue to do the right thing, i'm sure.
 
She's happy, end of.

All this talk of coming to terms etc... ffs, she's not dying, she just likes muff.

Some of you are just ninnies!

Hope that helps.

 
The Fear - 13/5/2013 19:08

She's happy, end of.

All this talk of coming to terms etc... ffs, she's not dying, she just likes muff.

Some of you are just ninnies!

Hope that helps.
Click to expand...

I like muff! I think I'd make a pretty good lesbian. Does anyone have Gator's daughter's phone number?
 
Life is full of disappointments. You just get over them and move on.

So what, your disappointed. Big deal. You can't change anything. She's gay. End of, you have to deal with it.
 
BodyButter - 13/5/2013 10:13

The Fear - 13/5/2013 19:08

She's happy, end of.

All this talk of coming to terms etc... ffs, she's not dying, she just likes muff.

Some of you are just ninnies!

Hope that helps.
Click to expand...

I like muff! I think I'd make a pretty good lesbian. Does anyone have Gator's daughter's phone number?
Click to expand...
08457909090 there you go mate you enjoy
 
The Fear - 13/5/2013 10:08

She's happy, end of.

All this talk of coming to terms etc... ffs, she's not dying, she just likes muff.

Some of you are just ninnies!

Hope that helps.
Click to expand...

:17: It is a coming to terms process JF even though she isn't dieing. Art of communication is very important. O.K I had years of therapy and have got qualifications in it so perhaps I see things differently. Well I will cos I am a woman and you are a man I believe :17:
 
kefkat - 12/5/2013 14:09

I think it would be easier to deal with if they weren't living in your home, as it is under your nose everyday. They don't have to live with you. Ultimately they should be encouraged to get their own place.

She is your Daughter. You love her. I can understand you need to come to terms with this too. It's not just about other people saying 'deal with it, or lose me' as that is blackmail. The art of communication is a difficult 1. If you try to shove your feelings away then they are going to explode in an unhealthy way.

So to me it is finding a way to deal with your thoughts and emotions in a way that helps you. The best thing I find is to get the pen and paper out and get it all down on paper then burn it destroy it so it can't be seen.

I think you need to decide whether you are just agreeing to her living with you and her partner because of the situation and feel that is turning your back on her if you said you wanted her to find her own place.

You need to look at everything face on maybe with someone who is totally detached from the situation.

Being told you love your Daughter is 1 thing. Of course you do. Being entirely comfortable with a situation and working through your own feelings and thoughts is another and is a process.

For the sake of you and your Daughter relationship I would get some outside impute

Self-care does NOT mean selfish
Click to expand...
Your right it dosent help being under my nose but i could'nt put her out I suppose it's something i will have to find a way of dealing with it.
 
James06 - 13/5/2013 09:43

As others have said, we've all got to be PC thesedays, but it doesnt take away natural disapointment of missing out on grandkids (although not necassarily thesedays) and the traditions we've been brought up with for generations. This is changing all the time though, which is long overdue. There certainly isnt the stigma attached that there was even a decade ago.

I have a son and another child en route, and I wont deny I'd be disapointed. But when you think of all life can throw at them, their happiness is the absolute priority. Be thankful your daughter is in a loving relationship with a woman, as opposed to a violent one with a bloke, for example.

I actually think it's a credit to you, your missus and your parenting that she feels comfortable to bring her partner home to stay. That says more about you than maybe you realise.

Also knowing you and what a good bloke you are, you dont really have to ask the question. You have, and will continue to do the right thing, i'm sure.
Click to expand...
Kind words Jim cheers bud
 
gator - 13/5/2013 10:38

James06 - 13/5/2013 09:43

As others have said, we've all got to be PC thesedays, but it doesnt take away natural disapointment of missing out on grandkids (although not necassarily thesedays) and the traditions we've been brought up with for generations. This is changing all the time though, which is long overdue. There certainly isnt the stigma attached that there was even a decade ago.

I have a son and another child en route, and I wont deny I'd be disapointed. But when you think of all life can throw at them, their happiness is the absolute priority. Be thankful your daughter is in a loving relationship with a woman, as opposed to a violent one with a bloke, for example.

I actually think it's a credit to you, your missus and your parenting that she feels comfortable to bring her partner home to stay. That says more about you than maybe you realise.

Also knowing you and what a good bloke you are, you dont really have to ask the question. You have, and will continue to do the right thing, i'm sure.
Click to expand...
Kind words Jim cheers bud
Click to expand...

Agrees with Jim about your parenting. You are a good parent and you are allowed to have feelings and thoughts. It would be affecting them if you didn't have an outlet for the feelings to get others impute so well done for speaking about it and trusting enough to talk about it
 
The Fear - 13/5/2013 10:08

She's happy, end of.

All this talk of coming to terms etc... ffs, she's not dying, she just likes muff.

Some of you are just ninnies!

Hope that helps.
Click to expand...

It is literally everything you worry about though, and you want everything to be perfect - even though it never will be.

You have to shrug a lot off and grow quite a thick skin so as not to 'molly-coddle.' Admittedly, the sexuality of my kids is way way down the list, as I'm sure it is with all parents. But knowing it will be a struggle for them it is a concern.

From serious ill health and problems down to to a clef pallet on a scan before they are even here and right down to their development pattern to getting bullied to the tiniest little bruise on their knee. You want their lives to go smoothly and without too much unwanted drama.

We were at a friends house yesterday and their 15 month old son was playing with my 10 month old, and he pushed him over and bumped his head. My reaction was to laugh it off, told him to stop being a puff (sorry controvertial I know) and I gave him a rub on the head. What I actually wanted to do was pick him up, cuddle him and call the other kid a little shit!
 
kefkat - 13/5/2013 10:30

The Fear - 13/5/2013 10:08

She's happy, end of.

All this talk of coming to terms etc... ffs, she's not dying, she just likes muff.

Some of you are just ninnies!

Hope that helps.
Click to expand...

:17: It is a coming to terms process JF even though she isn't dieing. Art of communication is very important. O.K I had years of therapy and have got qualifications in it so perhaps I see things differently. Well I will cos I am a woman and you are a man I believe :17:
Click to expand...
Just recently started seeing a physcologst for PTS which i have shunned since the accident because i have always beleived i was strong enough to deal with it myself plus i have always thought it to be weak too seek for help.It was my mood swings which were the problem and i just did'nt realise how badly affected by it all i really have been I suppose this dose,nt help things at the moment either.
 
gator - 13/5/2013 10:50

kefkat - 13/5/2013 10:30

The Fear - 13/5/2013 10:08

She's happy, end of.

All this talk of coming to terms etc... ffs, she's not dying, she just likes muff.

Some of you are just ninnies!

Hope that helps.
Click to expand...

:17: It is a coming to terms process JF even though she isn't dieing. Art of communication is very important. O.K I had years of therapy and have got qualifications in it so perhaps I see things differently. Well I will cos I am a woman and you are a man I believe :17:
Click to expand...
Just recently started seeing a physcologst for PTS which i have shunned since the accident because i have always beleived i was strong enough to deal with it myself plus i have always thought it to be weak too seek for help.It was my mood swings which were the problem and i just did'nt realise how badly affected by it all i really have been I suppose this dose,nt help things at the moment either.
Click to expand...

It won't help and it is something you can bring into your therapy sessions as it is affecting you. It's a good outlet you have in place right now. Nothing is ever about 1 thing.

Ah yes the British stiff upper lip. We mustn't cry or show emotions especially men. Rubbish. We wouldn't have emotions or tear ducts if we weren't meant to use them. That is why there is so much emotional unhealthiness in the world today because people don't know how to share there emotions appropriately without others telling them to pull themselves together, don't cry etc.

The darn reason people don't like emotions and tears is because the other person doesn't know what to do about them and feels they have to fix them. Sometimes you just don't want the other person to do anything and they don't get that. You just want to be allowed the space to feel them. It is fear that causes people not to want others to show emotions.

No JF I am not blaming you Ha
 
Gator it actually shows more strength to admit there is a problem and get help for it, as you have
 
kefkat - 13/5/2013 10:58

Gator it actually shows more strength to admit there is a problem and get help for it, as you have
Click to expand...
You have weighed me up completely there Carol my missus goes mad because i never tell her how i'm feeling.
 
When you say therapy, do you mean sharing problems with others in a group? Or one to one? And could you explain how it actually helps?
 
kefkat - 13/5/2013 10:30

The Fear - 13/5/2013 10:08

She's happy, end of.

All this talk of coming to terms etc... ffs, she's not dying, she just likes muff.

Some of you are just ninnies!

Hope that helps.
Click to expand...

:17: It is a coming to terms process JF even though she isn't dieing. Art of communication is very important. O.K I had years of therapy and have got qualifications in it so perhaps I see things differently. Well I will cos I am a woman and you are a man I believe :17:
Click to expand...

Yes, I can understand you acting without proper logic, because as you say, you are a women.

But the rest of them acting like a women.... jeez.

She likes muff, end of, no biggy. She might not have wanted kids anyway.

Nothing to cope with, it is her life.

This new culture of having to talk things through and coming to terms. Seriously, I was told years back I needed a brain op, I said 'ok, when'

Just get on with life people, every person will be different, you don't need to cope with it, just understand not everyone will fit into your perfect world and many wouldn't particularly want to.

Vive la différence
 
kefkat - 13/5/2013 10:58

Gator it actually shows more strength to admit there is a problem and get help for it, as you have
Click to expand...

No it doesn't.

Men are meant to bottle up their feelings, then deal with it by fighting and then dying younger than women by having heart attacks.

The system has worked perfectly well until you fecking women started talking about their feelings and that we should express ours.

:56:
 
Whilst I consider myself a traditionalist and would have been much better suited I think to living in the pre-war years, one thing I do think is better now is the openess and freedom to talk about stuff.

Hopefully I wont, but should the day ever come when I feel the need for a support/help group, therapist type thing, I wouldnt think twice about doing it, and would be open to all offers. The sooner you get help and things sorted the sooner you can go on enjoying life. Afterall you only get one crack at it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.