Monday joke (ng) | Page 7 | Vital Football

Monday joke (ng)

Seasonal offerings .................


Because of new Tier 4 rules I have been told that if you have visitors / relatives who drop in unexpectedly over Christmas the Police have the power to enter your home and request that the people leave and if necessary forcible eject them. My question is, does anybody know the website where one can register for this service and whether there is a cost?



One of my friends has obtained two cycles and a trampoline off the internet for his children’s Christmas presents. I asked him which website he had seen them on. He replied “ Google Earth “


I found a twenty pound note yesterday on the Tesco Car Park. I wondered what Jesus would do? So I turned it into wine.


Rudolph has a cousin named Billy-Joe - a redneck reindeer.
 
A man was requested by his Doctor to give a sample of Sperm as part of his annual medical examination. The Doctor gave the man a sealed glass jar and said take this home and bring me back a semen sample tomorrow morning. As instructed the man returned to the Doctors surgery the following morning and handed the Doctor the glass jar which was clean and empty. The Doctor asked what happened and the man explained ‘ when I got home I tried, first with my right hand, then with my left and then with both hands, nothing. I asked my wife to help, she tried with each hand, then both hands, same result, nothing. My wife asked our neighbour, Aileen if she could help, she tried with both hands.. the Doctor somewhat shocked said ‘ you asked your neighbour? The man said ‘Yes, but none of us could get the lid off ‘ !
 
An old, hard of hearing man goes to the doctors with his wife. The doctor tells the man to leave semen, urine and stool samples with the receptionist.
The man turns to his wife and asks "what did he say?"
"Dont worry love" she says, "just leave your pants at reception on the way out."
 
As I've been on the sauce and just seen "The Godfather" for the first time I'm in a good mood at last so I'll take this opportunity to thank Suffolk for starting this thread. Superb really appalling jokes that I've inflicted on the few friends I've got (in fact probably even fewer now).
 
Last edited:
Gills 58 said:
As I've been on the sauce and just seen "The Godfather" for the first time I'm in a good mood at last so I'll take this opportunity to than Suffolk for starting this thread. Superb really appalling jokes that I've inflicted on the few friends I've got (in fact probably even fewer now).
Click to expand...
Godfather 2 is even better 🐴
 
You must log in or register to reply here.