Monday joke (ng) | Page 22 | Vital Football

Monday joke (ng)

Julius Caesar is addressing the crowd at the Colosseum. " Friends, Romans, Countrymen, today I have returned from my campaign in France and I can reveal that we killed 50,000 Gauls." At this point the crowd get to their feet and cheer wildly. Brutus stands up and yells " Caesar lies! I know for a fact you only killed 25,000. Caesar replies, Yes Brutus, but remember in Europe, away Gauls count double
 
"There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me, ‘oh, don’t worry, it happens to a lot of guys.’ OK, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys? And second of all if it’s happening to more than one of us, don’t you think it could be your fault?”
 
Suffolk Gills said:
"There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me, ‘oh, don’t worry, it happens to a lot of guys.’ OK, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys? And second of all if it’s happening to more than one of us, don’t you think it could be your fault?”
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Heard Jimmy Carr do this at a few live shows!
 
A guy was looking to buy a used motorbike. After a lot of shopping around, answering ads in the newspaper,etc he wasn't having much luck - until one day he came across a beautiful classic Harley for sale. Upon inspection, he finds the bike to be in mint condition. After talking with the owner he he asks him how he'd kept it in such good condition. "Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of vaseline.
So the guy buys the bike and off he goes. He rides the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's loves it. That night, they decide to ride over to his girlfriend's parents house. It's the first time he's going to meet them. When the couple get to the house, the girlfriend says," I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go. The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes, In fact, there are dirty dishes everywhere.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he reaches over, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make out on the dinner table. Of course no one says a word.
"Her Ma's kinda cute..", he thinks to himself. So he grabs his girlfriend's mother and ravishes her right there on the dinner table. Again, no one says a word. Then, the boyfriend notices it was starting to rain... he better take care of the Harley...
He pulls the vaseline from his pocket. Immediately the father stands up and shouts: "All right, I'll do the f***ing dishes!!"
 
40 Gypsies died & went to heaven. They turned up at the Pearly Gates & asked St.Peter to let them in.
He said that they did'nt have room for all 40 of them, he only had room for 5, so they should go away and think about who would come in.
A short while later St.Peter went to see God and said ''They've gone!'' God replied, ''What the pikies''? ''No'' St Peter replied, ''The F***ing gates''
 
Solent Knight said:
40 Gypsies died & went to heaven. They turned up at the Pearly Gates & asked St.Peter to let them in.
He said that they did'nt have room for all 40 of them, he only had room for 5, so they should go away and think about who would come in.
A short while later St.Peter went to see God and said ''They've gone!'' God replied, ''What the pikies''? ''No'' St Peter replied, ''The F***ing gates''
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This is racist shit. It's not just a joke.

Don't blame the gypsies for your fucked up life.

Racists not welcome here.
 
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