Joke

[Pride of Lions]

Lost my job as a signwriter today.

Apparently Psychotherapist is all one word.

 

[Pride of Lions]

Due to the water shortage in Ireland, Dublin Swimming Baths have announced that they are closing lanes 7 and 8.

 

[Pride of Lions]

My missus took me to Lourdes in my old wheelchair in the vain hope it would cure me.
Well she pushed me in up to my neck and left me there, didn't do a fucking thing for me.

Strangely enough when she pushed me out, the wheelchair had a new set of tyres and a cracking new paint job.

 

[The Fear]

I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, 'You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana.' He said, 'No, this is for the custard.'

 

[JuanPabloAngel]

​

 

[col8]

My wife left me today because I'm too Insecure

..... Oh wait, she's back.

She just went to make a cup of tea...

 

[Pride of Lions]

Policeman came round yesterday said "I've had reports that your dog's been chasing a man on a bike "

I said "bollocks my dog doesn't have a bike"

 

[Pride of Lions]

Why are all French avenues and boulevards tree lined?

So the Germans could march in the shade.

 

[Pride of Lions]

My mate from Liverpool has just started work in a local slaughterhouse, stunning the animals...

They've never seen a scouser with a job before!

 

[Pride of Lions]

Burglars broke into my house last night and said they were searching for money... ...So I laughed like fuck and searched with them

 

[Pride of Lions]

My Irish mate bought a metal detector. He took it to the beach and was down 60 feet before he realised it was his steel toe caps.

 

[Pride of Lions]

When we moved to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch in Wales, I thought I'd take my son along to give the local football team some support.

That was until some twat started shouting.. "Give us an L ..."

 

[Pride of Lions]

My wife said, "You never see things from my point of view."

I said, "What the fuck are you talking about? Only yesterday I looked out the kitchen window."

 

[Pride of Lions]

My mate was born without eyelids, so they curcumcised him and used the skin.

The operation was a success and hes fine now, just a bit cockeyed!

 

[Pride of Lions]

France have won the World Cup! They ran away with it in the end .... No surprise there then.

 

[JuanPabloAngel]

Went to one of those Turkish baths on holiday.

They shaved with a stone ground razor below the neck line, snipped ear & nose hairs, waxed chest hairs & plucked all the arse crack hairs, finishing with a moustache trim & alcohol rub.

Honestly, the wife's never looked so good.

 

[col8]

Went to one of those Turkish baths on holiday.



They shaved with a stone ground razor below the neck line, snipped ear & nose hairs, waxed chest hairs & plucked all the arse crack hairs, finishing with a moustache trim & alcohol rub.



Honestly, the wife's never looked so good.

 

[JuanPabloAngel]

Went to one of those Turkish baths on holiday.



They shaved with a stone ground razor below the neck line, snipped ear & nose hairs, waxed chest hairs & plucked all the arse crack hairs, finishing with a moustache trim & alcohol rub.



Honestly, the wife's never looked so good.

Hilarious col - could I just draw your attention to my post immediately before this on?

 

[col8]

Hilarious col - could I just draw your attention to my post immediately before this on?

Went to one of those Turkish baths on holiday.

They shaved with a stone ground razor below the neck line, snipped ear & nose hairs, waxed chest hairs & plucked all the arse crack hairs, finishing with a moustache trim & alcohol rub.

Honestly, the wife's never looked so good.

Can I draw your attention to the post below JPA really

 

[col8]

Mother in Law came around for Sunday dinner and said "Why is the dog laying there staring at me"

I never had the heart to tell her she was using Fido's plate.