Joke

[Pride of Lions]

Missus came home last night and found me crouched down in the wardrobe.

"What are you doing in there?" She asked.

"Narnia business" I replied.

 

[Pride of Lions]

How do you handle dangerous cheese?


Caerphilly

 

[Pride of Lions]

I've decided to sell my Hoover … well, it was just collecting dust.

 

[Pride of Lions]

My wife told me I had to give up my obsession with The Monkees...

I thought she was joking..... but then I saw her face....

 

[Pride of Lions]

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a spot?

A spot will wait until you're 12 before it comes on your face.

 

[Pride of Lions]

What's the difference between a baby & a seagull?

One flits across the shore

 

[The Fear]

https://twitter.com/x/status/1029709111481573376

 

[Pride of Lions]

A family are driving behind a truck when a dildo flies out and hits the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her sons innocence, the mother says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."

Her son says "I'm surprised it got off the ground with a cock like that"

 

[Pride of Lions]

To commemorate 100 years of Fosters lager Australians are having a 7 day celebration.

"Piss weak"

 

[Pride of Lions]

The government have announced that it's going to make things even harder for people to claim benefits.

They are going to print the application forms in English only.

 

[Pride of Lions]

Barry Chuckle has had his will read!

The solicitor told His brother Paul "He has left everything to you" to which he replied "To me?"

 

[Pride of Lions]

I think somebody has been bloody fly tipping.

I woke up this morning to find two tons of dead bluebottles on my front garden.

 

[Pride of Lions]

Went to Lidl's the other day..so i'm having ordinary K for breakfast!

 

[Pride of Lions]

There's been a house fire at the model village in Bourton on the Water.

People are saying they can see the flames from three feet away...........

 

[JuanPabloAngel]

My wife is leaving me because of the way I treat her friends.

"You're not even a qualified gynaecologist," she said.

 

[BodyButter]

From Jimmy Carr:

I used to date a girl with eczema. She had cracking tits.

 

[Pride of Lions]

I joined our local Tourettes Club yesterday.

It took no time at all to be sworn in .......

 

[Pride of Lions]

When I was a kid I was made to walk the plank.

We couldn't afford a dog.

 

[Pride of Lions]

My wife said she is leaving me in the morning as she is totally sick of my obsession with Wham.

I replied 'wake me up before you go go'

 

[JuanPabloAngel]

My old granddad used to say "If you love someone, let them go."

Great man, terrible trapeze artist.