Yesterday I was at my local supermarket buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? ...... As I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilos before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me......
I just read it on an expat forum, & it's possibly a true story .... ! but I think that I could find better ways to lose 10 kgs ...........................................Love that. Not heard it before. Utterly briliant
but I think that I could find better ways to lose 10 kgs ...........................................
Thanks for the tip. It’s pot luck sometimes as to whether you get the butt end of the traffic.Traffic Alert
A Lorry carrying snooker equipment has crashed near Rochester.
Expect Cues.
(not exactly a joke .... but, anyway_)
The old lady handed her bank card to a bank cashier and said, “I would like to withdraw £10
The cashier told her, “For withdrawals less than £100 please use the ATM.”
The old lady wanted to know why ...
The cashier returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a line of customers behind you.”
The old lady remained silent for a few seconds, then handed the card back to the cashier and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”
The cashier was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her, you have £300,000 in your account and the bank doesn't have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?
The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately.
The cashier told her any amount up to £3000
"Well, please let me have £3000 now", the cashier then handed it very friendly and respectfully to her
The old lady put £10 in her purse and asked the cashier to deposit £2990 back into her account.......
Two months ago I cut my finger on a butter knife.
I can't believe it's not better!