Yeah that was me, I was there for the first hairdresser incident but not the second. I just remember going to meet her and the look on her face, she was ready to cry.
I was definitely someone who questioned a lot of these things even through the first year of the relationship but its undeniable. A tricky issue is similar to the 'believe all women' thing when it comes to rape. In cases of discrimination and racism, it is similar. I've been reading 'Race Talk' to try and be aware of this stuff and make sure there isn't a burden on my GF for explaining things to me. It talks a lot about this idea that when we try to explain away those seemingly innocuous social interactions it places further trauma and damage on the victim.
As I say its incredibly difficult to talk about it and even from the safety of a screenname and computer I feel a level of unease and social fear speaking about it based on what some posters might think. This stuff can suck the energy out of rooms and causes levels of discomfort even traumatic news about COVID can't bring up.
Heres another one, your point about the reverse discrimination. My GF has had recurring thoughts about the only reason she got into her PHD program is because of the colour of her skin. And that brings on the fear that thats all everyone else will think. I know that thats just anxiety, she has incredible recommendations, excellent experience and she has great test scores.
Whatever we want to call it - affirmative action / diversity programmes etc. that needs broader discussion too. It probably goes back to better job descriptions that fill broader criteria. Marketing teams are probably one of the better examples depending on your product or service you don't want a team full of one ethnic / cultural / religious / social class you broadly want a broad team that can reach the most amount of people. Therefore you might not necessarily value technical skills as highly in the review process.
Heres one that I disagreed with Peloton is marketed toward high income people. That naturally eliminates low income people and unfortunately a byproduct in America is a disproportionate amount of that group are people of colour. A guy was making the case that that is wrong but it isnt, why is it wrong? This is where the money will be made if people of that financial status can't afford it shouldnt they save? Its a luxury / discretionary items - a want not a need.
