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Joke

Matthew Kelly is introducing a contestant on Stars in Their Eyes.
“Now Simon you have an interesting story.
“Yes Matthew. I was in my car with my uncle and we had an awful accident. My uncle was killed and I lost both of my legs. The surgeons were brilliant and they were able to graft my uncle’s legs on to me.”
“That’s amazing Simon” says Matthew, “ so what is your act tonight?”
“Tonight,” says Simon, “I’m going to be
Simon and Halfuncle”
I’ll get me coat.
 
ironside said:
Matthew Kelly is introducing a contestant on Stars in Their Eyes.
“Now Simon you have an interesting story.
“Yes Matthew. I was in my car with my uncle and we had an awful accident. My uncle was killed and I lost both of my legs. The surgeons were brilliant and they were able to graft my uncle’s legs on to me.”
“That’s amazing Simon” says Matthew, “ so what is your act tonight?”
“Tonight,” says Simon, “I’m going to be
Simon and Halfuncle”
I’ll get me coat.
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There's a bloody red card here somewhere! lol
 
Police turned up at mate’s house Friday with his wife’s driving licence. Asked him to confirm that this was his wife. ‘Yes’, he said, ‘why…what’s wrong?’

Peeler said ‘I’m sorry sir but it looks like she’s been hit by a bus’. Mate said ‘I know, but she’s great with the kids’.
 
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