Jonah's Really REALLY Interesting Thread | Page 1418 | Vital Football

Jonah's Really REALLY Interesting Thread

Good evening everybody.

To keep on trend, I have only just turned 45.

I have been with my missus for far too long. This August it'll be 25 years, and this September it'll be 23 years living together.

Can I kill her yet? I don't get how you lot have coped?
 
Oh to change the subject slightly, and I will be polite.

When you travel to the toilet in need of doing business that involves sitting down, whilst the primary object of your attention wants to take its time in finally seeking pastures new and it appears stuck - why can your arse ring find extra space for two or three farts and then clamp back down on the offending object like an MP chasing expenses or a banker grabbing their bonus?

Surely if the arse ring has more give - it could ease the escape of the offending object and save me five fucking minutes.

God I'm getting old.
 
mike_field said:
Good evening everybody.

To keep on trend, I have only just turned 45.

I have been with my missus for far too long. This August it'll be 25 years, and this September it'll be 23 years living together.

Can I kill her yet? I don't get how you lot have coped?
Click to expand...
Going home and away to Villa games and spending the summers playing cricket Saturday and Sunday's plus the midweek games and training , means you spend large periods of time apart.

It works

:grinning:

Morning all by the way.
 
mike_field said:
Good evening everybody.

To keep on trend, I have only just turned 45.

I have been with my missus for far too long. This August it'll be 25 years, and this September it'll be 23 years living together.

Can I kill her yet? I don't get how you lot have coped?
Click to expand...
Just learn to do as your told and the rest follows naturally.
 
mike_field said:
Oh to change the subject slightly, and I will be polite.

When you travel to the toilet in need of doing business that involves sitting down, whilst the primary object of your attention wants to take its time in finally seeking pastures new and it appears stuck - why can your arse ring find extra space for two or three farts and then clamp back down on the offending object like an MP chasing expenses or a banker grabbing their bonus?

Surely if the arse ring has more give - it could ease the escape of the offending object and save me five fucking minutes.

God I'm getting old.
Click to expand...
Just having breakfast and I can't unsee that vision. Good job I'm not tickle stomached.
 
Morning all.

Just got back from my bi-annual Brazilian boob head massage. Always a good way to start the day, even if it cost me £80.
 
BodyButter said:
Do boobs have heads? Do you have boobs on your head? What's a boob head?
Click to expand...

It’s a Brazilian with boobs who caresses them over my head for 30 minutes.

She’s also my hygienist and was doing something on my teeth whilst I had the massage, so it’s a sort of buy one get one free.

Legally, I was probably paying BUPA for the hygenist appointment but that’s a side point.
 
danvilla2 said:
It’s a Brazilian with boobs who caresses them over my head for 30 minutes.

She’s also my hygienist and was doing something on my teeth whilst I had the massage, so it’s a sort of buy one get one free.

Legally, I was probably paying BUPA for the hygenist appointment but that’s a side point.
Click to expand...

Sounds excellent!
 
Be careful, Mike. One version of his demise indicates that a chronically constipated Elvis died whilst on the commode, straining too hard and thereby causing a heart attack.
 
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