Useless must-haves | Vital Football

Useless must-haves

N

New Boy

Vital Reserves Team
We've all got them, something we have bought but have never used. I'll start the ball rolling with my chiminea. Bought mine several years ago but never used it, but the patio wouldn't look the same without it.
 
Electric Bread-Maker. The process is completely automated, from the time you put all the ingredients into the bowl. I didn't appreciate until making the first loaf, that the dough hook used to stir all the ingredients ends up buried in the base of the loaf.
 
Captainreblue said:
Toasted sandwich maker. Makes lovely toasted sarnies ( used once or maybe twice) but is an absolute arse to clean afterwards so is now somewhere buried at the back of a cupboard.
Click to expand...

My Mrs bought a meat grinder/mincer and it's a pain to clean. It's lain unused since the one and only time we bothered with it.
 
valenciagill said:
My Mrs bought a meat grinder/mincer and it's a pain to clean. It's lain unused since the one and only time we bothered with it.
Click to expand...

Ditto. I tried using mine to mince up apples for juice and cider, a complete failure. I then bought a small fruit press, used twice so far.
 
I once bought roof rack bars for my Anglia. They were advertised as universal fit for all cars then I found they are the ones that only fit in the holes in the roof. No holes in my Anglia roof and I dare not drill any as the entire roof will cave in due to the rust.
 
GRSGimmer said:
I once bought roof rack bars for my Anglia. They were advertised as universal fit for all cars then I found they are the ones that only fit in the holes in the roof. No holes in my Anglia roof and I dare not drill any as the entire roof will cave in due to the rust.
Click to expand...
Don't know why (probably because I visualized it as I read it) but that post actually made me laugh out loud.......or should that be LOL???
 
That comic visualization thing is powerful. When I was young and had a young family and money was very tight I would attempt almost anything in the way of DIY sometimes with disastrous results. I told an older work mate of my latest disaster, long since forgotten, and his response still makes me laugh. He recounted his tale in similar circumstances when a pane of glass in his front door broke. It was an irregular shape, he had no car and so off he set to the glaziers. First disaster he dropped the glass getting off the bus. Second disaster he cracked the glass putting in securing pins and so on. He described his Basil Fawlty like rages so well that my disaster faded into the distance. He finished by ranting at his wife and retiring to bed to sulk. She phoned the glazier and the job was done. He was a proud man and not one to defer to a woman, which made it funnier.
 
jogills said:
That comic visualization thing is powerful. When I was young and had a young family and money was very tight I would attempt almost anything in the way of DIY sometimes with disastrous results. I told an older work mate of my latest disaster, long since forgotten, and his response still makes me laugh. He recounted his tale in similar circumstances when a pane of glass in his front door broke. It was an irregular shape, he had no car and so off he set to the glaziers. First disaster he dropped the glass getting off the bus. Second disaster he cracked the glass putting in securing pins and so on. He described his Basil Fawlty like rages so well that my disaster faded into the distance. He finished by ranting at his wife and retiring to bed to sulk. She phoned the glazier and the job was done. He was a proud man and not one to defer to a woman, which made it funnier.
Click to expand...
Reminds me of a story about the old yard foreman at our local builders merchants. They used to cut and supply glass to order. One day a couple of blokes (Father and Son) came in to order a piece of glass. The foreman asked if they wanted "clear" or "winter leaf" the two blokes argued so much about which they wanted that they went away without buying it.
On another occasion a lady came in with a sheet of glass with a broken off corner and asked for a new piece just like. The foreman carefully measured and cut the sheet of glass and quick as a flash and before the lady could stop him broke the corner off so that it was like the sheet that she had bought in.
Sadly the foreman is no longer with us having passed away very shortly after his retirement.
 
I was thinking of the paint I got to re-do the bathroom about 5 years ago. Unfortunately, because of this lockdown I may be forced by my missus to use it at last.
 
I put up some shelves for my super hi fi without realising the lathe and plaster wall should not be relied on. I pressed on and loaded the equipment on the shelves. I stood back to admire my handiwork at which point the lounge door slammed shut. It was a sunny day like today with all the windows open.

Then it was like slow motion; the door slammed shut; the wall shuddered and one by one the shelves collapsed on the right-hand side and the hi fi equipment slipped on to the floor. My ex nearly or probably did pee herself and as she walked passed me to the kitchen she said DIY - destroy it yourself
 
Bert said:
Reminds me of a story about the old yard foreman at our local builders merchants. They used to cut and supply glass to order. One day a couple of blokes (Father and Son) came in to order a piece of glass. The foreman asked if they wanted "clear" or "winter leaf" the two blokes argued so much about which they wanted that they went away without buying it.
On another occasion a lady came in with a sheet of glass with a broken off corner and asked for a new piece just like. The foreman carefully measured and cut the sheet of glass and quick as a flash and before the lady could stop him broke the corner off so that it was like the sheet that she had bought in.
Sadly the foreman is no longer with us having passed away very shortly after his retirement.
Click to expand...
Bell's Glass ? (Now in Bloors Lane)
 
Captainreblue said:
Toasted sandwich maker. Makes lovely toasted sarnies ( used once or maybe twice) but is an absolute arse to clean afterwards so is now somewhere buried at the back of a cupboard.
Click to expand...

The latest iterations have removable plates which means that they are easy to remove and clean. Bought one recently as I love a cheese and onion toasty, and it cleans very well in the dishwasher.
 
Most of that Ronco crap from the 70s must surely qualify, such as that LP stand that supposedly had a mind of its own, or that hand held mini battery powered sewing machine - my grandma bought one, tried to used it once then it got permanently consigned to the bottom drawer.
Oh, and my grandad also bought her one of those automatic potato peelers that looked and shook like a pissed off dalek while it was running. It did the job in about 5 minutes - to its credit - but then took about 30 minutes to clean. Needless to say that it quickly found its way to the shed as well...
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.