Steve Evans goes Shopping | Vital Football

Steve Evans goes Shopping

F

Fickle Moley

Vital Newbie
In the continuing adventures of Steve Evans, this week we join him on a weekly shopping trip in “Steve Evans goes shopping with his wife.”

We join the couple as they pass a new range of crisps. “Och ei the nooo, these look great are they new?” asks Steve. “Yes” replies his wife, “but we choose these other ones last week and you absolutely loved them.”
“Hate them now, make me sick, disgusting taste, just don't do it for me. These look great, new flavour, never tried them before and they are really expensive so they must be good.”
“But you don't like that flavour,” said the exasperated wife.
“I know but everybody else wants them, so I want them, put them all in the trolley so no one else can have them,” replied Steve grinning inanely, “and wife, use one of those brown envelopes to pay”.

Enjoy
 
I can't wait to welcome Mr. Evan's back to Sincil Bank to a chorus of " He's fat, His @rse is the ground - it's Steve Evans"

In a snowstorm of confetti of fake fivers!
 
The Electric Banana - 1/7/2017 15:27

I can't wait to welcome Mr. Evan's back to Sincil Bank to a chorus of " He's fat, His @rse is the ground - it's Steve Evans"

In a snowstorm of confetti of fake fivers!
Click to expand...

Agreed, I used to love that...

"He's fat, he's round, his @r$e is on the ground!"
 
My favourite chant towards him was Boxing Day 2006 when he walked out to go to the dugout to chants of 'You're supposed to be in jail!' :pointy:
 
You might be pleased to know that during the Boston v Scunthorpe County Cup tie a not so round but somewhat podgy Steve Evans got flattened by yours truly (6ft 4 and 16 stone then). I was running the line, he strayed beyond his technical area. I turned and went after a quick breakaway and splat my shoulder hit his head, one us went down and it wasn't the Lino! When he started having a go about it I kept telling him I couldn't understand a word, he got more and more irate spouting vitriol. Shame it's not on video! His fat head buggered my golf up for a couple of weeks....
 
Impalex - 1/7/2017 15:32

The Electric Banana - 1/7/2017 15:27

I can't wait to welcome Mr. Evan's back to Sincil Bank to a chorus of " He's fat, His @rse is the ground - it's Steve Evans"

In a snowstorm of confetti of fake fivers!
Click to expand...

Agreed, I used to love that...

"He's fat, he's round, his @r$e is on the ground!"
Click to expand...

Originally aimed at Peter Reid.
 
GreenNeedle - 1/7/2017 22:07

Scotimp - 1/7/2017 20:23

Originally aimed at Peter Reid.
Click to expand...

Really? Peter Reid was never fat was he? I thought it was Jan Molby.
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Goes back further than those two I think (though can't remember now when Molby turned up at Liverpool). Definitely remember it being sung to George Kerr at Boston, Boxing Day 1987.
 
Scotimp - 1/7/2017 20:23

Impalex - 1/7/2017 15:32

The Electric Banana - 1/7/2017 15:27

I can't wait to welcome Mr. Evan's back to Sincil Bank to a chorus of " He's fat, His @rse is the ground - it's Steve Evans"

In a snowstorm of confetti of fake fivers!
Click to expand...

Agreed, I used to love that...

"He's fat, he's round, his @r$e is on the ground!"
Click to expand...

Originally aimed at Peter Reid.
Click to expand...

Certainly recall it being aimed at Barry Fry when he was at Barnet.
 
Scotimp - 1/7/2017 20:23

Impalex - 1/7/2017 15:32

The Electric Banana - 1/7/2017 15:27

I can't wait to welcome Mr. Evan's back to Sincil Bank to a chorus of " He's fat, His @rse is the ground - it's Steve Evans"

In a snowstorm of confetti of fake fivers!
Click to expand...

Agreed, I used to love that...

"He's fat, he's round, his @r$e is on the ground!"
Click to expand...

Originally aimed at Peter Reid.
Click to expand...

He's worth a million pounds
 
Davidimp - 1/7/2017 19:23

My favourite chant towards him was Boxing Day 2006 when he walked out to go to the dugout to chants of 'You're supposed to be in jail!' :pointy:
Click to expand...
Oh, yes. I had forgotten that.
 
The Electric Banana - 2/7/2017 06:37

Scotimp - 1/7/2017 20:23

Impalex - 1/7/2017 15:32

The Electric Banana - 1/7/2017 15:27

I can't wait to welcome Mr. Evan's back to Sincil Bank to a chorus of " He's fat, His @rse is the ground - it's Steve Evans"

In a snowstorm of confetti of fake fivers!
Click to expand...

Agreed, I used to love that...

"He's fat, he's round, his @r$e is on the ground!"
Click to expand...

Originally aimed at Peter Reid.
Click to expand...

Certainly recall it being aimed at Barry Fry when he was at Barnet.
Click to expand...

Yep, and at Peterborough.
 
In this weeks episode we join Steve as he visits the tailor's to buy a new suit, in an episode called, Steve buys a suit.
“Oche ey the nooo,” said Steve as he walks in, “I need a new suit for the new season, last seasons seems to have shrunk and I can no longer get in it, the useless piece of crap”.
“Certainly Sir, what waist size are we looking at?” asked the assistant.
“Can ye not tell from a distance man, I'm a 38 waist and short leg.”
“Thirty-eight?” queried the assistant.
“That's right, are you questioning me, I saw it with my own eyes , it was clearly 38 and anyone who says any different are liars. How could you even question it, everyone knows it's true and a ask the Mansfield fans to boycott this shop if you suggest anything different, oh and while we are at it, the Notts. Forest fans that follow Mansfield when forest aren't playing will also boycott it.”
“No problem sir, how about this blue suit?”
“Love it, suits my style of play, I'll take it. Hold on, what's he buying?”
“Oh he has had a suit specially made to a specific design for his wedding.”
“I want it, I want that style and that colour, I hate blue.”
“Very good sir,”said the assistant with a sigh, “Did sir want to try it on?”
“Don't be ridiculous man,” replied Steve, “Now help me out of this chair I appear to be wedged in.”
 
In the last ever episode we join Steve as he takes pre season training for the first time in “Steve takes training”.
“Oche ey the noooo everyone, I'm the boss and that's what you will call me at all times. Now run round the pitch forty times whilst I have my breakfast,” said Steve to the players.
As the players disappeared Steve turned to his assistant Paul, “What's those brown envelopes hanging out your back pocket?”
“Ooops sorry boss, just been paying out what we owe.”
Steve looks out over the players jogging, “Whose that?” he asks.
“That's Lee Angols boss.”
“Why is he here?”
“You bought him boss.”
“I don't like his hair, not my style, stick him on the transfer list.”
“Whose that?”
“That's Omari Sterling-James boss.”
“Why's he here?”
“We bought him boss.”
“You idiot, I told you to buy Raheem Sterling, get him on the transfer list, he's useless.”
Steve shakes his head, “Why is that woman over there all over that scarecrow?”
“That's the chairman boss.”
 
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