The Poacher
Vital Squad Member
Yesterday at about 2pm my wife came into our kitchen as I was having a cup of tea and said "I see Forest are playing Wolves today, how do you think its going to go then smarty pants"
(I normally wind her up by saying we are winning every game so far and are top of the Prem League).
I replied "Oh we should win this game easily, I told her about Haggis Red and his Prediction League and that I had placed my prediction as a win to us at 2 v 1.
She turned away from me and snorted "No chance it will end up as a draw".
I immediately retorted "Other than a clear win I run naked through the village"
She replied back with " so if Forest lose or draw you`ll run through our little village stark bollock naked"?
I replied with an emphatic "Yes".
Some time later 2.45am (last night) 2/4/2022.
I woke up at 2.45am to have a pee and in a sudden blood rush to my head I thought about the bet I had with my missus, and thought might as well get it over and done with.
I crept back to the bedroom took my PJ`s off, crept downstairs, grabbed my walking stick and our dog and I went out the front door.
The cold hit me straightaway and my saggy arse went even more droopy. My other bits crept back into whatever folds of skin it found and stayed there.
Off I went through our little village (its now 3am) stark bollock naked with my dog by my side to protect me from all nasty things your mum used to tell you when you were little.
Went passed my next door neighbour house her bedroom light was on low and thought about her and God, (never seen her in our Parish Church).
When her husband works nights at the nearby Chicken processing factory I can hear her through our thin bedroom walls her shouting " My God I`m Coming or sweet Jesus I am coming for you" or words to that effect. Never knew she was Religious you learn something new all the time.
Anyway got to the end of the village, I was dreading this part of our little village and Mrs M******* lives there, she has always been a bit weird.
I call her Google as she knows everything about everybody, I swear if this was the 1800`s she would have been sent to the ducking stool in our village pond and drowned as a witch.
Anyway made my way back to my house, got in and the wife was standing there with a hot cup of cocoa, red faced and angry.
"Where the f******ing hell have been she shouted at me"
I replied" Remember our little bet my love I went for a walk through our lovely little village stark bollock naked as promised". Never again will I bet on Forest winning a game of footie. Be warned.
This a a true story. No Humans or animals were hurt during my walkabout apart from a few cows laying down in the meadow, might have been put off milking them this morning.
(I normally wind her up by saying we are winning every game so far and are top of the Prem League).
I replied "Oh we should win this game easily, I told her about Haggis Red and his Prediction League and that I had placed my prediction as a win to us at 2 v 1.
She turned away from me and snorted "No chance it will end up as a draw".
I immediately retorted "Other than a clear win I run naked through the village"
She replied back with " so if Forest lose or draw you`ll run through our little village stark bollock naked"?
I replied with an emphatic "Yes".
Some time later 2.45am (last night) 2/4/2022.
I woke up at 2.45am to have a pee and in a sudden blood rush to my head I thought about the bet I had with my missus, and thought might as well get it over and done with.
I crept back to the bedroom took my PJ`s off, crept downstairs, grabbed my walking stick and our dog and I went out the front door.
The cold hit me straightaway and my saggy arse went even more droopy. My other bits crept back into whatever folds of skin it found and stayed there.
Off I went through our little village (its now 3am) stark bollock naked with my dog by my side to protect me from all nasty things your mum used to tell you when you were little.
Went passed my next door neighbour house her bedroom light was on low and thought about her and God, (never seen her in our Parish Church).
When her husband works nights at the nearby Chicken processing factory I can hear her through our thin bedroom walls her shouting " My God I`m Coming or sweet Jesus I am coming for you" or words to that effect. Never knew she was Religious you learn something new all the time.
Anyway got to the end of the village, I was dreading this part of our little village and Mrs M******* lives there, she has always been a bit weird.
I call her Google as she knows everything about everybody, I swear if this was the 1800`s she would have been sent to the ducking stool in our village pond and drowned as a witch.
Anyway made my way back to my house, got in and the wife was standing there with a hot cup of cocoa, red faced and angry.
"Where the f******ing hell have been she shouted at me"
I replied" Remember our little bet my love I went for a walk through our lovely little village stark bollock naked as promised". Never again will I bet on Forest winning a game of footie. Be warned.
This a a true story. No Humans or animals were hurt during my walkabout apart from a few cows laying down in the meadow, might have been put off milking them this morning.
