The Fear
A Wise Man (once sat next to him)
quite like these!
What it's like to be British
• Worrying you’ve accidentally packed 3 kilos of cocaine and a dead goat as you stroll through “Nothing to declare”
• Being unable to stand and leave without first saying “right”
• Saying “anywhere here’s fine” when the taxi’s directly outside your front door
• Repeatedly pressing the door button on the train before it’s illuminated, to assure your fellow commuters you have the situation in hand
• The huge sense of relief after your perfectly valid train ticket is accepted by the inspector
• “Sorry, is anyone sitting here?” – Translation: Unless this is a person who looks remarkably like a bag, I suggest you move it
• Loudly tapping your fingers at the cashpoint, to assure the queue that you’ve asked for money and the wait is out of your hands
• Watching with quiet sorrow as you receive a different haircut to the one you requested
• Being unable to pay for something with the exact change without saying “I think that’s right”
• Deeming it necessary to do a little jog over zebra crossings, while throwing in an apologetic mini wave
• Punishing people who don’t say thank you by saying “you’re welcome” as quietly as possible
• Turning down a cup of tea for no reason and instantly knowing you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake
• Hearing a recording of your own voice and deciding it’s perhaps best never to speak again
What it's like to be British
• Worrying you’ve accidentally packed 3 kilos of cocaine and a dead goat as you stroll through “Nothing to declare”
• Being unable to stand and leave without first saying “right”
• Saying “anywhere here’s fine” when the taxi’s directly outside your front door
• Repeatedly pressing the door button on the train before it’s illuminated, to assure your fellow commuters you have the situation in hand
• The huge sense of relief after your perfectly valid train ticket is accepted by the inspector
• “Sorry, is anyone sitting here?” – Translation: Unless this is a person who looks remarkably like a bag, I suggest you move it
• Loudly tapping your fingers at the cashpoint, to assure the queue that you’ve asked for money and the wait is out of your hands
• Watching with quiet sorrow as you receive a different haircut to the one you requested
• Being unable to pay for something with the exact change without saying “I think that’s right”
• Deeming it necessary to do a little jog over zebra crossings, while throwing in an apologetic mini wave
• Punishing people who don’t say thank you by saying “you’re welcome” as quietly as possible
• Turning down a cup of tea for no reason and instantly knowing you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake
• Hearing a recording of your own voice and deciding it’s perhaps best never to speak again
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