Not sure where to start to be honest.
I'm early 40s, in education. I teach only a little bit now as I'm a bit more senior. Not exactly headteacher level but to the side of that. My job is a lot more stationary than it used to be and involves a lot of car travelling. So I don't get as many steps in as I used to. However, my job now is significantly less stressful than when I was senior in a single school.
I have a son who has severe autism and ADHD. He is hypo sensitive, which means that he is sensation seeking. He doesn't need headphones because of sensitivity to noise, he makes noise, lots of it. Everywhere. He also seeks touch so is very rough. His ADHD makes him very impulsive. We are talking ripping all the wallpaper off the walls, running towards us with knives kind of impulsive when he was younger. Meds have helped. He goes to a fantastic special school.
This sounds bad, but he is a wonderful, hilarious and kind hearted. He absolutely loves his family, he makes everyone laugh. He and his sister have an amazing relationship, even though she is classed as a young carer for him. I love that kid with all my heart.
But he has severe learning disabilities as well. He has just, this month, finally got out of nappies in the daytime at the age of nine. This is a triumph akin to winning a Nobel Prize in our family. He has no sense of danger, would run away or into traffic if given the chance, so he has to wear reigns whenever we go out. We get comments about him being a dog for that. Fuck them.
We will have to look after him for the rest of our lives. He will never work, live independently. He'll likely never fall in love, get married or lead a "normal" life. He will always be with us. When I retire, it won't be to holidays in Spain or world cruises, or to living by the sea. It will be to becoming a carer full time. And as we get older, he gets bigger and stronger. Our son at 16 or 18 is a worry. He is already strong enough that my wife can't move him. It's hard to think that there isn't sunset uplands to look forward to in old age. I haven't started to worry yet how we'll look after him when we are really old. I haven't even started worrying who will look after him when we are gone. Thats in the post.
My daughter is also autistic but far more mild. She is just becoming a teenager. She will be ok. She has a very limited diet, probably has a condition called Arfid. We have a great relationship and she is fantastic with her brother. But she knows she's different from other girls at school. She struggles socially. She is finding herself at the moment a bit, and I'm all for that.
My wife is also autistic, diagnosed as an adult. It's a familiar story- autistic kid makes you question your own life. We have a fantastic relationship after 21 years together. But she does get overwhelmed sometimes. Some stats suggest the divorce rate for SEN parents like us is 80% if you have one SEN child, so I guess we are doing ok.
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD. It makes me come across quite manic at times. I can't do anything fiddly- I couldn't be an electrician for instance, although I know lots of electricians who have ADHD but a different profile to me. I'm awful at DIY because I just want it done. I don't have the patience. I move everywhere really fast- if I have to slow down it's like my brain is screaming. If someone is standing in my way, the same. In conversation I'll jump from one thing to another. If I go somewhere, even if it's somewhere I've been really looking forward to going/doing, as soon as I'm there my brain will want to leave to get into the next thing.
Best way to describe it is using the "channel up" button on a remote control every few seconds. My brain is like that. It keeps flicking up through channels. Each one might (or might not) have some vague relation to the last.
I'm lucky. For some it is absolutely debilitating. For me it's both the best and worst of me. There is no middle ground me. All the successes I've had in my career and with my family have been due to ADHD traits. It's made me a great teacher. But it's a nightmare with marking.
I also have something called Generalised Anxiety disorder. it's the pits. Basically severe anxiety. If you have this, you are always anxious. Always. Non stop. Can be anything. Maybe there is a leaky pipe somewhere?. Have I really done my taxes? That little thing at work. Where am I going to park? What if I forgot about a bank account in overdraft 15 years ago and now owe tens of thousands? My health. Did I leave the water on?
It's endless. I'm almost never not anxious about something. My ADHD brain will get into circular thinking that catastrophises everything. I end up in the middle of the night checking that I did insure the house, or that I did send that email in November of last year. I can't stop it. I'm far worse when I'm on holiday from work so my mind is less busy- in the holidays it gets out of control completely and I really feel sorry for Mrs Pope. It's exhausting for her but she has no real idea of the actual extent of it because I have to keep most of it hidden. This is an inheritance from my mother, who is probably worse than I am. It's definitely got a lot worse as I got older.
I am happy in life and have no desire to meet my maker whatsoever. But I do think sometimes that when I eventually do, at least it will release me from the anxiety. I reckon a few people on here who have experienced depression will probably recognise that.
