The Tim Vine style one liner thread. | Page 3 | Vital Football

The Tim Vine style one liner thread.

Noticed a lorry load of lemonade arriving at the Beckham's place early this morning. I think David misunderstood when Victoria told him to get Seven up.
 
I was in London today and jumped into a black cab. I said, "Waterloo, mate." He said, "The station?" "Well, I'm a bit late for the war."
 
''Fans freaked out by cross dressing story line in Coronation Street'' They need to man up, Eastenders have had Pat Butcher for fucking years
 
Just had a Chicken Tarka from my local Indian restaraunt.

It's like a 'Tikka' but a little otter.
 
Just watched a film about Beavers.

I tell you what, it's the best damn movie I've ever seen.
 
I hate nosey people,I was minding my own business looking at a model globe the other day,this guy barged in and tried to show me where the equator was, that's where I had to draw the line.
 
I've just opened a brothel that specialises in clients with premature ejaculation. The customer always comes first.
 
Vanish- 'The UK's Number 1 Stain Remover'. Is there a number 2 stain remover? My boxer shorts are absolutely fucked.
 
I'm trying to solve a murder mystery, but the only clue is a broken calculator found at the crime scene. Something doesn't add up...
 
I phoned my mate to ask him if he'd like to go to the cinema this week. "I'd love to," he said, "I haven't got much on at the moment." "Cool," I replied "I'm only wearing underpants and a bow tie myself."
 
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