The Tim Vine style one liner thread. | Vital Forums

The Tim Vine style one liner thread.

neilh111

Vital Football Hero
#2
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."


 

glensider

Vital Football Legend
#6
Police found my mate dead at the bottom of a lake this morning with a bag tied to his ankles, full of Charles Bronson DVDs. He must have had a depth wish.
 

glensider

Vital Football Legend
#14
Given that the goal is about the same size as a parking space, I'm thinking that it was no surprise whatsoever that the English womens team were going to struggle with penalties.
 

neilh111

Vital Football Hero
#15
glensider - 10/7/2011 18:17



Given that the goal is about the same size as a parking space, I'm thinking that it was no surprise whatsoever that the English womens team were going to struggle with penalties.
:3: :3: :3: :1: :1:
 

neilh111

Vital Football Hero
#18
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
 

glensider

Vital Football Legend
#20
I faked my own death last week so my wife could claim on my life insurance. My funeral is on Monday, I can't wait, laying in this morgue is so boring.