Johnny Baguette
Alert Team
This is the voice of the mysterons, greetings earthmen. Who remembers this wonderful children's puppeted animation series? You will recall that the mysterons had taken human form but could be spotted by a series of circles, a bit like 0-0, 0-0, 0-0. Could they be the same set of circles that have beset City´s goals scored column for the last month?
Whatever mysterons have taken human form at planet Etihad have certainly taken their toll on the team which is quite frankly not playing at anything like the level that the Manchester footballing public has been used to.
Since proudly lifting the Capital One Cup, City have unceremoniously achieved "nul points" in terms of goals for each time they have taken the field except against…you got it, Aston Villa, who ought to be really playing their matches at Edgbaston.
And to cap it all they failed to score against the poorest looking set of Stretfords that most people have seen in their living lifetime.
It is not good enough to have 80% of the play against lowly Norwich and with an insipid display come up empty with nothing in the tank and only one point at a stadium renowned for goalkeeping sciatica. Neither is it good enough to ease through a Champions League match in second gear, hoping the opposition are only in first, once again coming up empty.
It certainly is not acceptable to play against a team from just outside Manchester and surrender to them like we did in the days gone by when we didn't have the heart nor the belief that we could beat them
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that is precisely what we are witnessing at sandcastle Etihad right now. A team that has not changed with the tides of football, a team that without the brilliance of Sergio Aguero would be down among the deadmen of the Barclays Premier League. A team that would be adorning the erstwhile half empty stadium.
I'm not sure that we can blame the Guardiola revelation. I'm sure the players knew about it anyway. What we can blame though is a lack of tactical flexibility demonstrated by a manager that has pretty well laden the cabinet with silverware since he arrived but who stubbornly sticks to tactics that belong to another season.
Like them or loathe them but the Fox and Hounds FC are doing precisely what is needed to win the title. Win ugly, win 1-0, get a goal, shut up shop. Spuds too are playing an excellent brand of football somewhere between the possession play favoured by City and the Gooners, but topped off with the counter attack delivered by Leicester. Fast, furious, pacy and goal producing.
For City´s part it is still the laboured build up, Silva to Aguero, surrounded by giants, with no willing runners and therefore no openings and therefore no goals.
Pellegrini signed City´s derby death warrant the moment he selected Demichelis. The zero-paced possessor of cement wellingtons was never going to be a match for the young and exuberant Stretford front men who must have chuckled into their energy drinks when the paperwork became apparent. We saw at Chelsea in the FA Cup that Demichelis is the news of a bygone age. We saw also at Chelsea the emergence of a star of tomorrow, Adarabioyo. Did anyone not tell Pellegrini that tomorrow is now? When the Flat Iron has needed new players due to injury he had the bottle to put in youngsters. Men who have not let him down. Indeed was it not one such youngster, Rashford who netted the winner?
With pace at United´s disposal, City should have responded with likewise. Adarabioyo pocketed Rashford in a recent match at the Etihad and believe me he has the pace and know how to do it again, but no we had to put up Demichelis. There were other solutions. When asked to Fernandinho has filled in very successfully at centre back, Sagna has played there for the Ashburton Grove Bottling Factory and who can remember Yaya playing there alongside a very youthful Busquets in a Champions League final against the said Stretfords? But no we get Demichelis. The same Demichelis taken by surprise by Rashford as he slipped the ball between his legs scampered past him like a leveret and helped himself to history. The same Demichelis whose ill-paced, can't-be-arsed back pass sent Joe Hart on a conveyor belt to the medical centre.
You will have noted that the Pedmachine has been taking sabbaticals recently. Like the team I'm having difficulty motivating myself. The problem is nobody´s sliding £200k a week into my bank.
The Blues are on a downward spiral and there is no sign of them getting out of it. The downward spiral looks like a new white knuckle ride at Alton Towers but the endgame smiles are not being borne by the Kippax faithful. It is the Stretfords and the Irons of the Boleyn who seemed destined to benefit from City´s slumber. The news today that SuperPep doesn't have a get out of jail free card in his pre-contract contract at least gives us some hope but quite how this tram of overpaid underperformers is getting away with it I simply don't know.
Joe Hart seems to be suffering despite his heroics. Sagna and Clichy are trying their best within their limitations, the centre back pairing is a nightmare. Mangala could be better and he does play with some spirit but his life would have been easier with one of the alternative solutions alongside him.
Navas is still an incomplete result down the right undoing all the good work of using his pace by stalling and turning back to lose all the advantage he has created.
Yaya at least looked like he wanted to win with a reasonably purposeful effort but the constant source of disappointment is David Silva. Where has the magic gone? The passes that once killed defences are now killing the City attack. Nothing seems to find its way through to the heavily marked Aguero and quite often Silva's less than good passing recently has enable the opposition to get their customary free run at City´s labouring defence.
Sterling still fails to live up to the price tag, I dont think we expected anything else did we? And what on earth is Bony about? Injured, sick, injured, sick in cyclical fashion. He does have some qualities but he sure doesn't show them enough. I would have brought on Iheanacho with instructions to get amongst Smalling, who incidentally should have been flirted by the clown formerly known as Oliver. When I was a referee at least I knew the laws of the game. Oliver referees like he's making them up as he goes along. Smalling gets carded for his perennial shirt-pulling and then gets away with a cynical foul. Oliver as he did at Wembley, chickened out again.
Will City finish in the top 4? It is very much open to conjecture now. They have gone from a situation where bookmakers were about to pay out in November to a place where they are very much odds against to have a chance of winning the title. It is starting to look difficult for City to even contemplate a Champions League place finish as the goals have deserted them and Pellegrini shows no sign of making changes, giving the opposition food for thought. They know if they set up 4-2-3-1 with a counter attacking option and a modicum of pace they can win.
City's flash three quick passes that can carve open any defence couldn't carve open half a pound of Lurpack these days. The precision incision looks to be a thing of the past.
With Sterling joining De Bruyne on the injury list and Joe Hart too, Ibra must be having a little chuckle to himself as he contemplates his demands that the Parisien local authority replaces the Eiffel Tower with a statue of himself. Yes the next Champions League encounter is a little while away but surely Pellegrini is not going to risk Demichelis against one of the world's most powerful performers in Zlatan?
Having conversations around the Etihad with long-standing supporters there's the assertion that we were better off when we were rubbish. At least there was no expectation. Now with that expectation higher than the new level three roof at the south end of the stadium it is visibly making our fans ill.
It is probably good that we have the international break now so that we can regroup, provided of course that our players do not return lame. It is time the players stood up and took hold. This laissez-faire, can't be bothered attitude is not good and threatens to completely derail what set out to be the most promising season ever.
Bournemouth will fancy it, so will PSG and anyone else on City's horizon. I find it amusing that City drew PSG. With all the money sloshing about and PSG having already won the French Ligue 1 for sure they wanted one of us out so that the winner can draw one of the FCBs in the semis and take their exit. It's business as usual for UEFA with the final being among their buddy boys.
It's the same in the Europa League. Even Sue predicted that the hotballing inclusives would pitch her beloved Liverpool against what she calls "the Mancs". Apparently thst is a terms of disendearment aimed at the Stretfords and is not necessarily shared with City. At least both teams share something - a hatred for all things Stretford. She also predicted that having whacked the Stretfords they would draw Dortmund. You could almost see the Bunsen burner underneath the globe of balls so that the selector knew which ones to fish out.
But dear readers how footballing times have changed in the realms of Manchester and its environs. It is not long ago that beating United was the highlight of City's season, but now for them it really is "one-nil in your cup final" because you know and I know they ain't going to a real one.
All the Pedmachine is waiting for is a Captain Scarlett To destroy these bloody mysterons. Unfortunate choice of colour I'd say.
Read more: http://www.manchestercity.vitalfootball.co.uk/article.asp?a=564007#ixzz43c6AJqvd
Whatever mysterons have taken human form at planet Etihad have certainly taken their toll on the team which is quite frankly not playing at anything like the level that the Manchester footballing public has been used to.
Since proudly lifting the Capital One Cup, City have unceremoniously achieved "nul points" in terms of goals for each time they have taken the field except against…you got it, Aston Villa, who ought to be really playing their matches at Edgbaston.
And to cap it all they failed to score against the poorest looking set of Stretfords that most people have seen in their living lifetime.
It is not good enough to have 80% of the play against lowly Norwich and with an insipid display come up empty with nothing in the tank and only one point at a stadium renowned for goalkeeping sciatica. Neither is it good enough to ease through a Champions League match in second gear, hoping the opposition are only in first, once again coming up empty.
It certainly is not acceptable to play against a team from just outside Manchester and surrender to them like we did in the days gone by when we didn't have the heart nor the belief that we could beat them
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that is precisely what we are witnessing at sandcastle Etihad right now. A team that has not changed with the tides of football, a team that without the brilliance of Sergio Aguero would be down among the deadmen of the Barclays Premier League. A team that would be adorning the erstwhile half empty stadium.
I'm not sure that we can blame the Guardiola revelation. I'm sure the players knew about it anyway. What we can blame though is a lack of tactical flexibility demonstrated by a manager that has pretty well laden the cabinet with silverware since he arrived but who stubbornly sticks to tactics that belong to another season.
Like them or loathe them but the Fox and Hounds FC are doing precisely what is needed to win the title. Win ugly, win 1-0, get a goal, shut up shop. Spuds too are playing an excellent brand of football somewhere between the possession play favoured by City and the Gooners, but topped off with the counter attack delivered by Leicester. Fast, furious, pacy and goal producing.
For City´s part it is still the laboured build up, Silva to Aguero, surrounded by giants, with no willing runners and therefore no openings and therefore no goals.
Pellegrini signed City´s derby death warrant the moment he selected Demichelis. The zero-paced possessor of cement wellingtons was never going to be a match for the young and exuberant Stretford front men who must have chuckled into their energy drinks when the paperwork became apparent. We saw at Chelsea in the FA Cup that Demichelis is the news of a bygone age. We saw also at Chelsea the emergence of a star of tomorrow, Adarabioyo. Did anyone not tell Pellegrini that tomorrow is now? When the Flat Iron has needed new players due to injury he had the bottle to put in youngsters. Men who have not let him down. Indeed was it not one such youngster, Rashford who netted the winner?
With pace at United´s disposal, City should have responded with likewise. Adarabioyo pocketed Rashford in a recent match at the Etihad and believe me he has the pace and know how to do it again, but no we had to put up Demichelis. There were other solutions. When asked to Fernandinho has filled in very successfully at centre back, Sagna has played there for the Ashburton Grove Bottling Factory and who can remember Yaya playing there alongside a very youthful Busquets in a Champions League final against the said Stretfords? But no we get Demichelis. The same Demichelis taken by surprise by Rashford as he slipped the ball between his legs scampered past him like a leveret and helped himself to history. The same Demichelis whose ill-paced, can't-be-arsed back pass sent Joe Hart on a conveyor belt to the medical centre.
You will have noted that the Pedmachine has been taking sabbaticals recently. Like the team I'm having difficulty motivating myself. The problem is nobody´s sliding £200k a week into my bank.
The Blues are on a downward spiral and there is no sign of them getting out of it. The downward spiral looks like a new white knuckle ride at Alton Towers but the endgame smiles are not being borne by the Kippax faithful. It is the Stretfords and the Irons of the Boleyn who seemed destined to benefit from City´s slumber. The news today that SuperPep doesn't have a get out of jail free card in his pre-contract contract at least gives us some hope but quite how this tram of overpaid underperformers is getting away with it I simply don't know.
Joe Hart seems to be suffering despite his heroics. Sagna and Clichy are trying their best within their limitations, the centre back pairing is a nightmare. Mangala could be better and he does play with some spirit but his life would have been easier with one of the alternative solutions alongside him.
Navas is still an incomplete result down the right undoing all the good work of using his pace by stalling and turning back to lose all the advantage he has created.
Yaya at least looked like he wanted to win with a reasonably purposeful effort but the constant source of disappointment is David Silva. Where has the magic gone? The passes that once killed defences are now killing the City attack. Nothing seems to find its way through to the heavily marked Aguero and quite often Silva's less than good passing recently has enable the opposition to get their customary free run at City´s labouring defence.
Sterling still fails to live up to the price tag, I dont think we expected anything else did we? And what on earth is Bony about? Injured, sick, injured, sick in cyclical fashion. He does have some qualities but he sure doesn't show them enough. I would have brought on Iheanacho with instructions to get amongst Smalling, who incidentally should have been flirted by the clown formerly known as Oliver. When I was a referee at least I knew the laws of the game. Oliver referees like he's making them up as he goes along. Smalling gets carded for his perennial shirt-pulling and then gets away with a cynical foul. Oliver as he did at Wembley, chickened out again.
Will City finish in the top 4? It is very much open to conjecture now. They have gone from a situation where bookmakers were about to pay out in November to a place where they are very much odds against to have a chance of winning the title. It is starting to look difficult for City to even contemplate a Champions League place finish as the goals have deserted them and Pellegrini shows no sign of making changes, giving the opposition food for thought. They know if they set up 4-2-3-1 with a counter attacking option and a modicum of pace they can win.
City's flash three quick passes that can carve open any defence couldn't carve open half a pound of Lurpack these days. The precision incision looks to be a thing of the past.
With Sterling joining De Bruyne on the injury list and Joe Hart too, Ibra must be having a little chuckle to himself as he contemplates his demands that the Parisien local authority replaces the Eiffel Tower with a statue of himself. Yes the next Champions League encounter is a little while away but surely Pellegrini is not going to risk Demichelis against one of the world's most powerful performers in Zlatan?
Having conversations around the Etihad with long-standing supporters there's the assertion that we were better off when we were rubbish. At least there was no expectation. Now with that expectation higher than the new level three roof at the south end of the stadium it is visibly making our fans ill.
It is probably good that we have the international break now so that we can regroup, provided of course that our players do not return lame. It is time the players stood up and took hold. This laissez-faire, can't be bothered attitude is not good and threatens to completely derail what set out to be the most promising season ever.
Bournemouth will fancy it, so will PSG and anyone else on City's horizon. I find it amusing that City drew PSG. With all the money sloshing about and PSG having already won the French Ligue 1 for sure they wanted one of us out so that the winner can draw one of the FCBs in the semis and take their exit. It's business as usual for UEFA with the final being among their buddy boys.
It's the same in the Europa League. Even Sue predicted that the hotballing inclusives would pitch her beloved Liverpool against what she calls "the Mancs". Apparently thst is a terms of disendearment aimed at the Stretfords and is not necessarily shared with City. At least both teams share something - a hatred for all things Stretford. She also predicted that having whacked the Stretfords they would draw Dortmund. You could almost see the Bunsen burner underneath the globe of balls so that the selector knew which ones to fish out.
But dear readers how footballing times have changed in the realms of Manchester and its environs. It is not long ago that beating United was the highlight of City's season, but now for them it really is "one-nil in your cup final" because you know and I know they ain't going to a real one.
All the Pedmachine is waiting for is a Captain Scarlett To destroy these bloody mysterons. Unfortunate choice of colour I'd say.
Read more: http://www.manchestercity.vitalfootball.co.uk/article.asp?a=564007#ixzz43c6AJqvd
) which turned the tide in our favour. 
