The Boring Thread. | Page 6 | Vital Football

The Boring Thread.

I'm bored, short on Forest games, so..........

Adam and Eve are troubled so turn their faces skywards "Lord,when we were in the garden you walked with us every day. Now we don't see you any more and it's hard to remember how much you love us".
The Lord replies "I will create a companion for you who will be with you for ever and that will reflect my love for you. Regardless of how unlovable you may be this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do. I will call this animal dog as a reflection of my own name."
And dog indeed lives with Adam and Eve and is content and wags his tail.
After a while the Archangel Gabriel says to the Lord "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride perhaps they are loved too well". And God says "I will create them another companion who will remind them of their limitations and I will call him cat."
And cat does not obey them and when they gaze into cats eyes they realize that they are not supreme beings and they learn humility.
And God is pleased, dog is happy,and cat doesn't really give a bugger one way or the other.

Before you ask, I have a dog and a cat and can vouch for most of this. I'm also an atheist.
 
It's gone all quiet again so here goes...........

A man in Alaska woke to find a bear on his roof so he called a bear remover who arrived with a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean looking pit bull. The bear remover then told the homeowner " I'm going up the ladder and am going to knock the bear off the roof with the bat. When the bear falls off the dog will grab his testicles in his teeth and not let go. By then the bear will be subdued and I'll put him in the cage in my van." The homeowner then asks "What's the shotgun for?" "If the bear knocks me off the roof shoot the dog".
 
No,I've been put off by the drought,then bush fires and now this Chinese virus which appears to have a detrimental effect on old fogies. Try this instead........

What do you get if you cross a Hells Angel with a Jehovahs Witness ?
Some one who knocks on your door on a Sunday morning and tells you to piss off.

Not quite Tommy Cooper..............
 
BBC schedule

6-9 Breakfast with Coronavirus
9 Victoria Derbyshire talks Coronavirus
10 Healthcheck talks Coronavirus
11 Homes under the hammer (lots more coming up after Coronavirus!)
12 Bargain Hunt - a reminder that in the old days people were actually allowed out
1pm Main news (about Coronavirus)
2 Doctors (seem to be the only people who are too busy doing silly things, and trying to get Jimmy out of prison , to notice Coronavirus
3 London KIlls . If you dont get murdered first theres always coronav.................
4-6 Coronavirus Daily update
6 Repeat of one o'clock news about ..............
7 The one show talks to... anyone they can find with a video link
8 Holby . The story of a hospital with real ventilators ! (But wooden actors)
9 Our girl. The story of someone who thinks it's safer to be shot at in Afghanistan ....
10 Main news ( See 1pm and 6 pm)
 
Lienking said:
BBC schedule

6-9 Breakfast with Coronavirus
9 Victoria Derbyshire talks Coronavirus
10 Healthcheck talks Coronavirus
11 Homes under the hammer (lots more coming up after Coronavirus!)
12 Bargain Hunt - a reminder that in the old days people were actually allowed out
1pm Main news (about Coronavirus)
2 Doctors (seem to be the only people who are too busy doing silly things, and trying to get Jimmy out of prison , to notice Coronavirus
3 London KIlls . If you dont get murdered first theres always coronav.................
4-6 Coronavirus Daily update
6 Repeat of one o'clock news about ..............
7 The one show talks to... anyone they can find with a video link
8 Holby . The story of a hospital with real ventilators ! (But wooden actors)
9 Our girl. The story of someone who thinks it's safer to be shot at in Afghanistan ....
10 Main news ( See 1pm and 6 pm)
Click to expand...
Yep. ....I watched Stokes's ashes innings again on Sky just to get me fired up for sport again chap.At least the weekend has been decent and been in the garden having a few shorts whilst wearing them too chap.Bonjour!
 
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