The bloody police | Vital Football

The bloody police

Buddha

Vital Football Hero
Just woke me up!

BANG, BANG, BANG, POLICE!! (do you do that loud, aggressive door banging, nobs?!)

I thought, "shit, what have I done now?!"

Apparently there are a couple of horses loose somewhere and they thought they might be mine! I'd been in a deep sleep but was quite pleased with myself for being quick witted enough to reply, "horses? No officer, as lovely as it'd be to have beautiful old horse-drawn wagon I've just got that diesel motor to pull this caravan, I;m not sure a horse would be up to the job!"

"Oh", he said, "so you don't know anything about them?"

"No, sorry"

He then asked me if I had permission to be parked here. I screwed my face up at him to which he said, "No, no, I'm not hassling you!"

"Good", I said. And then told him about his colleague and our liaison officer and suggested that he talked to him if he really was interested..

No real problem here but a bloody rude awakening and it all seems a bit weird. Horses, ffs?! What, just because we're travellers? Is that racist, lol?! Or was there even a loose horse in the first place, maybe it was like that line they use when they want to stop and search you?! Anybody on here ever been stopped and told, "there's been a break-in around here, we need to search you"? I reckon black people probably get it most. Maybe the horse line is traveller specific?!

Anyway, I'm just irritated I got woken up, I was having a nice dream!
 
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An alternative outcome (in a parallel universe).

They were your horses. Travellers do often have horses. Accept you're not that type of traveller but unless you have a big sign who would know that you weren't?

They were your horses, they escaped into the road, caused a big traffic accident and were killed.

Police then said "yep we knew about them but thought so what, let's not bother telling the travellers. They will only moan about us bothering them".

As the owners of dead horses what would you have said?

Possibly a no win situation for the police man ?

Anyway what was your dream about? Bound to be experts on here who could dissect it. I've had rough sleep since lockdown, nothing specific but just not slept well. While awake I am quite relaxed about covid, maybe I do have anxiety and it comes out when sleeping?

Have good day and make sure those horses and dags are locked up ;-)

Take care.
 
An alternative outcome (in a parallel universe).

They were your horses. Travellers do often have horses. Accept you're not that type of traveller but unless you have a big sign who would know that you weren't?

They were your horses, they escaped into the road, caused a big traffic accident and were killed.

Police then said "yep we knew about them but thought so what, let's not bother telling the travellers. They will only moan about us bothering them".

As the owners of dead horses what would you have said?

Possibly a no win situation for the police man ?

Anyway what was your dream about? Bound to be experts on here who could dissect it. I've had rough sleep since lockdown, nothing specific but just not slept well. While awake I am quite relaxed about covid, maybe I do have anxiety and it comes out when sleeping?

Have good day and make sure those horses and dags are locked up ;-)

Take care.

Yeah, I know, mark. I'm not really pissed off about it. Had he continued trying to question me about being parked here I would have been but he didn't. It was all cool. No real problem at all. Just never nice getting woken up with that special loud door knock they have!

As for my dream, I've got no idea. To be honest I rarely remember details, just a feeling of whether it was enjoyable or not. And this morning I was definitely in a deep sleep and having a pleasant dream. It wasn't sexual though, pretty sure about that - would have been embarrassing opening the door with boner in my pants!

And my dog is definitely being locked up. The reason I was/am so tired is because she went missing for a few hours the night before last. I was up all night looking for her but that's not too easy because she's black and it was dark, and there's no point shouting her name because she's deaf as a doorknob. 16 years old she is. Anyway, she's got my phone number on her collar and thankfully someone found here early yesterday morning. Normally she struggles to walk a hundred yards but she was about four miles away! She has been asleep since, lol!
 
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You've reminded me of an episode which happened to me, many many years ago, in "deepest" France (la France profonde - la Nièvre département to be more precise).
A friend & I were looking after a friends place & animals. Xmas eve we had a very late night & got legless. Early the next morning, I heard the dog & voices downstairs... It was two gendarmes, who had let themselves in, & were surveying the carnage, as was I, the huge Xmas tree was on the floor with most of what had been left on the table (presumably felled during a dog & cat chase). After a tense moment, with passports checked etc, I was asked if we kept an ass .... I confirmed that my french friend had an old ass in the field alongside the canal towpath..... Athol (the ass) wasn't in his field & had been reported by a farmer. The gendarmes took me, several kms, to a large field where Athol was in a corner eyeing up a young female ass or donkey in the opposite corner. It started to snow. It took us a while to catch him & then, I realised that I had to get him back home. .... By this time it was snowing heavily, for the first time in my life I had to ride (or attempt to ride) an ass (bareback). We managed to get home, there was no traffic at all on the roads, fortunately - I arrived back looking somewhat like a snowman, still hungover & starving ..... !
 
You've reminded me of an episode which happened to me, many many years ago, in "deepest" France (la France profonde - la Nièvre département to be more precise).
A friend & I were looking after a friends place & animals. Xmas eve we had a very late night & got legless. Early the next morning, I heard the dog & voices downstairs... It was two gendarmes, who had let themselves in, & were surveying the carnage, as was I, the huge Xmas tree was on the floor with most of what had been left on the table (presumably felled during a dog & cat chase). After a tense moment, with passports checked etc, I was asked if we kept an ass .... I confirmed that my french friend had an old ass in the field alongside the canal towpath..... Athol (the ass) wasn't in his field & had been reported by a farmer. The gendarmes took me, several kms, to a large field where Athol was in a corner eyeing up a young female ass or donkey in the opposite corner. It started to snow. It took us a while to catch him & then, I realised that I had to get him back home. .... By this time it was snowing heavily, for the first time in my life I had to ride (or attempt to ride) an ass (bareback). We managed to get home, there was no traffic at all on the roads, fortunately - I arrived back looking somewhat like a snowman, still hungover & starving ..... !

Great story, Gilles! Merry Christmas, indeed, lol!
 
I have been woken in the early hours by the police on a couple of occasions both a long time ago. The first was more unpleasant but is a boring story. The second occasion was the result of a break in at the small repair garage in Herne Bay, which was immediately opposite our flat. Two detectives were a little aggressive in their questioning until I confessed that I had no recollection of the night before as I'd been on a bender. I was mildly nervous as I was a pretty good imitation of a long haired layabout at the time. They both laughed, confessed they'd done the same thing and were feeling lousy and left soon after. Any point of contact reduces tension was my takeaway from that encounter.
 
In the mid 90's on a late midweek evening, myself and a mate were walking up Mill Road towards the Black Lion end, going back to my car after visiting a female friend of mine that I only knew her first name and the house she lived in by description only, not the actual house number. We we're stopped by a lone Policeman who'd parked in the middle of the road, blocking the road. He asked us where we'd been as there had been an assault on an old lady locally. After trying to explain where we'd been, not knowing the full address or full name of said lady, he proceeded to ask for our names and addresses, all done cordially. No searching, just wanted our details just in case.

When my mate gave his name the officer asked if he had any middle names, to which I replied "yeah, it's Alphonsus, ha ha ha ha", pissing myself laughing (name changed to protect the innocent). With a very stern look on his face, the officer replied to me "that is my first name, what's so funny?". I went red and just replied "thought it was a funny name, sorry occifer". We all then burst out laughing as he was just on a wind up, even though that was his first name!

Don't know what happened about the old lady as we never heard anything further. It was before t'internet and local papers didn't report on it.
 
Many years ago me and a couple of friends were wandering around London post gig, slightly the worse for wear, as we'd missed the last train home so were waiting for the first one of the morning (or the post train). Got stopped by a couple of coppers who asked our names. My Polish mate gave his, which he had to spell out, taking about ten minutes. When the exasperated copper turned to my other mate and asked his name he thought we were taking the piss when he said "Paul Smith". Took us ages to convince him we were genuine (no-one carried ID back then and cash was everything) and not to arrest us.
 
I missed him but apparently our police liaison officer was up earlier. Came up with another officer who I'm told looked young and inexperienced. My mate over the way chatted with them.

All nice and friendly, the same as it always is. I get the feeling our liaison officer is quite a nice bloke.

Anyway, my mate asked if the horses' owner has been found and our copper looked blank. My mate explained that Buddha had been woken up really early the other week by a "policeman's knock".

At this point the copper interrupted and turned to his younger colleague and said, "You see, that's how you upset people, 'policeman's knock'." He then turned to my mate and asked, "Was Buddha annoyed by this? I expect he quite rightly was, they shouldn't be doing that, it's aggressive and unnecessary."

As I said, he seems like a decent chap.

He didn't know anything about any horses!
 
Back in the early 70's me and the wife (then girlfriend) were making our way back to Chatham via Victoria (London) train station, both very pissed (good chance we would miss the last train). Old Bill pull up in a motor and ask where we are going, then said get in the back. Drove us to Victoria station and said: GO HOME. :thumbup:
 
I missed him but apparently our police liaison officer was up earlier. Came up with another officer who I'm told looked young and inexperienced. My mate over the way chatted with them.

All nice and friendly, the same as it always is. I get the feeling our liaison officer is quite a nice bloke.

Anyway, my mate asked if the horses' owner has been found and our copper looked blank. My mate explained that Buddha had been woken up really early the other week by a "policeman's knock".

At this point the copper interrupted and turned to his younger colleague and said, "You see, that's how you upset people, 'policeman's knock'." He then turned to my mate and asked, "Was Buddha annoyed by this? I expect he quite rightly was, they shouldn't be doing that, it's aggressive and unnecessary."

As I said, he seems like a decent chap.

He didn't know anything about any horses!
Do your mates call you buddha?