Owning A Canadian | Vital Forums

Owning A Canadian

The Fear

A Wise Man (once sat next to him)
#1
Owning A Canadian

On her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr Laura, written by a US man, and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighbouring nations.

A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness. (Leviticus 15: 19-24) The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord. (Leviticus 1:9) The problem is my neighbours . They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus 11:10) it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Leviticus 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Leviticus 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,

Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education

University of Virginia


P.S. It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian.


 

kefkat

Vital Football Legend
#3
I do own 2 Canadians kind of. My Daughter has just put in her papers to get her citizenship in Canada and her long term fella is Canadian. Just feeling flippant
 

thefacehead

Vital Football Hero
#5
I'm sure this has been posted before in the religious thread??

Right, Fear must give Fear a warning for unnecessarily starting a thread, warn everyone else at the same time and then declare it will be merged. The Merge and state merged where appropriate :17:
 

OnMeHeadFred

Vital Reserves Team
#6
HeathfieldRoad1874 - 22/1/2014 12:26

Leviticus 18:22 has been mistranslated anyway, so the Dr's views are incorrect to begin with. There is not one verse against homosexuality in the Jewish Bible.
So what is the correct translation?
 
#7
"And with a male, thou shalt not lie down in a woman's bed; it is an abomination."

A subtle difference, but a major change in meaning. Culturally, a woman's bed was her own. Other than the woman herself, only her husband was permitted in her bed, and there were even restrictions on when he was allowed in there.

It's not banning Homosexual sex, just saying where it can't happen.
 
#8
Interestingly, it is thought that even the original Jewish texts had nothing to do with Homosexuality. These are said to have been altered under pressure from largely Christian rulers so that it much more closely matched their oppressive views.

It's a long article, but this is extremely interesting, if only to highlight that even Rabbis have differing opinions on the matter.

http://home.earthlink.net/~ecorebbe/id18.html
 

OnMeHeadFred

Vital Reserves Team
#10
HeathfieldRoad1874 - 22/1/2014 12:58

"And with a male, thou shalt not lie down in a woman's bed; it is an abomination."

A subtle difference, but a major change in meaning. Culturally, a woman's bed was her own. Other than the woman herself, only her husband was permitted in her bed, and there were even restrictions on when he was allowed in there.

It's not banning Homosexual sex, just saying where it can't happen.
These things are not to be taken lightly though.

A friend of mine had a budgie called Onan who spilled his seed upon the ground and suddenly died in very mysterious circumstances. :10:
 
#11
OnMeHeadFred - 22/1/2014 14:39

HeathfieldRoad1874 - 22/1/2014 12:58

"And with a male, thou shalt not lie down in a woman's bed; it is an abomination."

A subtle difference, but a major change in meaning. Culturally, a woman's bed was her own. Other than the woman herself, only her husband was permitted in her bed, and there were even restrictions on when he was allowed in there.

It's not banning Homosexual sex, just saying where it can't happen.
These things are not to be taken lightly though.

A friend of mine had a budgie called Onan who spilled his seed upon the ground and suddenly died in very mysterious circumstances. :10:
W***er!
 
#12
There was me thinking that nobody liked these religion threads, and then our great leader creates 2 in a few days!!!!

Is this tacit agreement for me to ruin this one with lots of arguments about Science vs the Bible?
 

OnMeHeadFred

Vital Reserves Team
#14
HeathfieldRoad1874 - 22/1/2014 14:29

There was me thinking that nobody liked these religion threads, and then our great leader creates 2 in a few days!!!!

Is this tacit agreement for me to ruin this one with lots of arguments about Science vs the Bible?
Our great leader is a believer.

He tells everyone he meets that he is a Creatinist.
 
G

Guest

Guest
#17
The Salmon run;

Salmon will swim thousands of miles upstream, up waterfalls, past Eagles, past bears to reach their safe spawning grounds. The sad thing is, that on this epic journey the salmon no longer eat, this is to make more room for developing eggs and sperm. Once the spawning takes place the salmon then eventually die. Its basically a death run that keeps the survival of their species alive.
------------------

I suppose the salmon could think "sod that, im just going stay in the ocean and live my own life" "I cant be arsed to make such a long journey for the survival of my species, where I just end up dying"....But lucky enough they dont all think like that, which is the great survival story of the salmon.

Now the survival story for the human can been seen in another light; Heterosexual relationships encouraged, children brought up in heterosexual relationships encouraged. The survival of the human species comes 1st and those opposing homosexual marriage, adoption are just the salmon that are keeping its own species alive for the future generations to come.

Lets take religion to one side for a moment...This woman, Dr Laura Schlesinger who said that, homosexuality is an abomination - is really just promoting the continuance of the human race and encouraging such....Its a natural and healthy response.
 

thefacehead

Vital Football Hero
#18
Bikini Inspector - 22/1/2014 14:33

Come back Jesus and save us all. It's been too long now.
He can't come back now, he doesn't want to look like a prat! Derren Brown and David Blaine would make his little resurrection stunt look crap now, he will have to save us when the tech age ends.
 

kefkat

Vital Football Legend
#20
HeathfieldRoad1874 - 22/1/2014 14:29

There was me thinking that nobody liked these religion threads, and then our great leader creates 2 in a few days!!!!

Is this tacit agreement for me to ruin this one with lots of arguments about Science vs the Bible?
There is a few of us that do, however Heath we have done it all to death and we all have a good idea where we all stand.

There's been some interesting convo's over the past few years about that I think have been informative to all involved, in 1 way or another.

At least to the way different people think on their beliefs