Nick Real Deal
Vital Football Legend
Dock leaves are good for afterwards.
Does yer bum sting after a number 2 curry then... (heh heh)
1. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
2. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It’s one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
3. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me."
4. How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
5. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first? The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
6. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told.
7. I married Miss Right.I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
8. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.
9. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.
10. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.It is called Wedding Cake.
11. Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, and Suffering.
12. Our last fight was my fault; my wife asked me. "What's on the TV?"I said, "Dust!"
13. Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
14. Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
15. A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds: Wife Wanted. “The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine."
16. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
17. Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't? Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, and then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, and then go the refrigerator.
This is great. Even some of my "woke" friends have shared it loving it.
This is great. Even some of my "woke" friends have shared it loving it.