O/T Jokes | Page 40 | Vital Football

O/T Jokes

Sorry about this ..........

Guy wins a modest amount of money on the Lottery and decides that he can now fulfil his lifelong dream of owning a Datsun Bluebird . He searched the internet and found one for sale built in 1970 but needed a lot of work to get it back into shape .
He decides that nothing is going to stop him in his quest and sets about restoring it .
Everything was going well until he found out that the gearbox was absolutely knackered and he had to rebuild it from scratch . He trawled scrap yards until he only had one more part ,a vital part , to find .
This last part was proving almost impossible to find and the car was just about back to its pristine best so his desire to get the car back in the road was eating him away.
A friend of a friend told him that there was a tiny factory in Japan that used to make parts for this gearbox and that there was an outside chance that they may have one of these tiny but vital cogs laying about in the back of the storeroom ,.
He tried to phone them but got no joy with the language barrier , which proved to be insurmountable.
So , with his lottery money in his bank , and his desire to get the car going , he decided to bite the bullet and buy a plane ticket and started off on what was to become a four day journey to the tiny little factory .
He couldn’t believe his luck when the hotel manager spoke good English and knew of the little factory and the owner. He took him there and explained the dilemma and the owner put on a broad smile and brought out a box full of the very part he wanted . He tried to agree that he only wanted two of these cogs , one to finish the car and one as a spare , but the factory owner was insistent that these parts had been laying around since the seventies and he didn’t have any use for them anymore , so if he wanted one one , he would have to buy the whole boxful. There were five hundred in the box . The bloke didn’t care anymore. , he paid the factory owner for the five hundred and set off for home a very happy man .
Happy that is , until he got back to the airport only to find that the airline had gone on strike and no planes were expected to fly for the foreseeable future . He was now beside himself in frustration . He had spent a fortune getting all the bits for his car , a fortune on labour putting it all together , a fortune in getting out to this tiny factory and paying way too much for five hundred cogs but he decided he couldn’t wait to get home , so he hired a light aircraft and pilot to get him back to Blighty . The plane had to do the journey in stages and he had to pay the landing tax’s at every touch down . Finally he was over the English Channel and home was in site . The landing tax bills had nearly bankrupted him and when the pilot warned him that he would have a heavy import tax bill on the five hundred bits in the box , it was the last straw . Seeing that they were flying over what looked like isolated farmland , he ordered the pilot to fly lower and open the cockpit window . He then started throwing out all the contents of the box , having put two of them in his pocket .
Down below in the fields , a farmer and his wife and children were just coming out of the farmhouse when the plane flew over . Not knowing what was happening , the farmer shouted out to his wife as loud as he could , “QUICK MARY , GET YOURSELF AND THE KIDS INDOORS , ITS RAINING DATSUN COGS
 
Sorry about this ..........

Guy wins a modest amount of money on the Lottery and decides that he can now fulfil his lifelong dream of owning a Datsun Bluebird . He searched the internet and found one for sale built in 1970 but needed a lot of work to get it back into shape .
He decides that nothing is going to stop him in his quest and sets about restoring it .
Everything was going well until he found out that the gearbox was absolutely knackered and he had to rebuild it from scratch . He trawled scrap yards until he only had one more part ,a vital part , to find .
This last part was proving almost impossible to find and the car was just about back to its pristine best so his desire to get the car back in the road was eating him away.
A friend of a friend told him that there was a tiny factory in Japan that used to make parts for this gearbox and that there was an outside chance that they may have one of these tiny but vital cogs laying about in the back of the storeroom ,.
He tried to phone them but got no joy with the language barrier , which proved to be insurmountable.
So , with his lottery money in his bank , and his desire to get the car going , he decided to bite the bullet and buy a plane ticket and started off on what was to become a four day journey to the tiny little factory .
He couldn’t believe his luck when the hotel manager spoke good English and knew of the little factory and the owner. He took him there and explained the dilemma and the owner put on a broad smile and brought out a box full of the very part he wanted . He tried to agree that he only wanted two of these cogs , one to finish the car and one as a spare , but the factory owner was insistent that these parts had been laying around since the seventies and he didn’t have any use for them anymore , so if he wanted one one , he would have to buy the whole boxful. There were five hundred in the box . The bloke didn’t care anymore. , he paid the factory owner for the five hundred and set off for home a very happy man .
Happy that is , until he got back to the airport only to find that the airline had gone on strike and no planes were expected to fly for the foreseeable future . He was now beside himself in frustration . He had spent a fortune getting all the bits for his car , a fortune on labour putting it all together , a fortune in getting out to this tiny factory and paying way too much for five hundred cogs but he decided he couldn’t wait to get home , so he hired a light aircraft and pilot to get him back to Blighty . The plane had to do the journey in stages and he had to pay the landing tax’s at every touch down . Finally he was over the English Channel and home was in site . The landing tax bills had nearly bankrupted him and when the pilot warned him that he would have a heavy import tax bill on the five hundred bits in the box , it was the last straw . Seeing that they were flying over what looked like isolated farmland , he ordered the pilot to fly lower and open the cockpit window . He then started throwing out all the contents of the box , having put two of them in his pocket .
Down below in the fields , a farmer and his wife and children were just coming out of the farmhouse when the plane flew over . Not knowing what was happening , the farmer shouted out to his wife as loud as he could , “QUICK MARY , GET YOURSELF AND THE KIDS INDOORS , ITS RAINING DATSUN COGS
Wow, I think that must be one of Chiv’s shaggy dog stories from Crufts ?
 
Feeling in need of a laugh I reviewed some of Ken Dodd’s one liners...my two favourites being...

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Great showman, very funny man