O/T Fresh Jokes...

[10Hoddle]

I went to see my really hot doctor yesterday.

She said I need to stop masturbating.

I said "why?"

She said "so I can examine you".

 

[10Hoddle]

The UK Government has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country if they try and vote again for independence after Brexit.

I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know

Easy up....I heard that massive earthquake in England caused billions of pounds worth of improvements.

 

[whitehartmart]

My mates all said i was addicted to break fluid . but i could stop anytime

 

[spurs1954]

I went to the hardware store the other day and bought a can of fly spray. I asked the assistant if it was good for wasps. He replied ‘No it kills them’!

 

[spurs1954]

Unfortunately the biggest joke I’ve come across recently is our defence!

 

[whitehartmart]

little jimmy turns up for school and says. sorry l'm late me dad got burnt
not to bad i hope says the teacher
well they don't fuck about at the crematorium says jimmy

 

[Walthamstow wanderer]

 

[Harry-Kari]

I went to a faith healer’s session the other night...he was crap...even the guy in the wheelchair walked out.

 

[sjm1985]

drinking non-alcoholic beer is like doing tounge tricks with your sister. Tastes all right. but isnt all right.

 

[Greavswasthegreatest]

One friend to another:

I really can’t believe that after all that enormous shit they are together again.

What?

Who are you talking about?

My butt cheeks

 

[Harry-Kari]

drinking non-alcoholic beer is like doing tounge tricks with your sister. Tastes all right. but isnt all right.

 

[Pompey Yid]

Talking about sisters...

A group of nuns in a car stop at the traffic lights, a gang of bikers pull up alongside them and shout...get ya tits out and show us your fannies ladies, the main sister says to one of the other nuns, I don't think they understand who we are, so show them your cross sister, who replies fuck off you twats.

 

[Pompey Yid]

Walking down the aisle of the Grocers today, a bloke shouts to me "didn't you see the arrows" I ducked and replied "I didn't even see the fucking Indians"

 

[Greavswasthegreatest]

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they open their mouths

 

[Pompey Yid]

Did anyone hear about the death of a mouse called Elvis...he was caught in a trap.

 

[Greavswasthegreatest]

And one For EX and the other golfers on here...

It sure takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

 

[Departed]

 

[Harry-Kari]

One golfer to another “ Some days I start a round with 9, 7, 8, 10 and other days I just can’t play well at all”

 

[Greavswasthegreatest]

Q: What is the difference between a lost golf ball and the G-spot?
A: A man will spend 5 minutes looking for the lost golf ball

 

[Pompey Yid]

I bought the wife a pair of crotchless knickers....so she could get a better grip on her broomstick.