Monday joke (ng)

[Gilles Lingam]

 

[Gilles Lingam]

 

[SurreyBOB]

I bought my wife a new car for her birthday. She said "That's no good to me. I need something that can go from nought to 160 in three seconds."

So I bought her a set of bathroom scales.

 

[Gilles Lingam]

 

[jokerman]

I read in today’s Observer that they have found a new Roman road in Wales, and that Travellers are being advised to avoid the tube on Monday.

 

[Gills 58]

I had an interesting choice of curry last Saturday. Pelican. It tasted alright but the bill was enormous.

 

[Gills 58]

My flight back from Gibraltar to Glasgow has just been cancelled.

I'm now stuck between a rock and a hard place.

 

[Suffolk Gills]

I was reading about an old Gills game that was played on compacted rubble and smashed bricks. They won 5-4 on aggregate.

 

[Nobby_66]

My flight back from Gibraltar to Glasgow has just been cancelled.

I'm now stuck between a rock and a hard place.

You been reading your Tim Vine joke book again

 

[jokerman]

From today's Times

"It emerged yesterday that on the same day wider members of the family went for lunch after Trooping the Colour as more senior royals prepared for their balcony appearance. "

 

[valenciagill]

From today's Times

"It emerged yesterday that on the same day wider members of the family went for lunch after Trooping the Colour as more senior royals prepared for their balcony appearance. "

No belt-tightening there then

 

[Gills 58]

I've just been sacked from my job for allowing people to come round whilst I was at work.

Oh well, I never really wanted to be an anaesthetist anyway.

 

[PuB]

 

[Gilles Lingam]

 

[Gilles Lingam]

 

[jokerman]

You know, I've been thinking about being less critical of other people and reflecting on my own faults and shortcomings more and, quite frankly, there are few on here who might consider doing likewise.

 

[PuB]

Came home to a note on the fridge that said ‘it’s not working gone to my parents’

Idiot.

Opened the door and it’s working fine.

 

[Nobby_66]

 

[ThreeSixes]

My wife collapsed unconscious in the kitchen, whilst cooking a fry up. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered - Wetherspoons do a traditional breakfast for £4.99

 

[timnolongerinbrisban]

Horse racing at Royal Ascot today.
Get your money on dusty carpet - it's never been beaten