Monday joke (ng) | Page 28 | Vital Football

Monday joke (ng)

A local football team were really short of players for their home game. They asked the referee on the occasion of being down to just ten fit players if they could play the horse in the next field. The ref felt a little sorry for them and said it wasn't normal but as long as the opposition didn't mind he would allow it.
As fortune would have it the horse was owned by the home teams best player and striker Tom .Now Tom knew that the horse was able to kick a ball really hard.He would also follow him around so keeping him onside wasn't much of a problem.He simply had to roll the ball in front of him.Tom was good at holding it up but wasn't a good shot nor was any of his team mates.
The opposition gave permission for the horse to be sub and he could only come on if the visitors gave further permission at half time.
The game kicked off and the home side quickly fell behind by half time they were three down.The visitors said that the home team could use the horse with a snigger.
The horse slowly trotted after Tom wherever he went.It was 15 minutes before Tom had the chance to pass it to his horse on the edge of the box .The horse trott turned into a canter and he hit it with his hoof with a usual force .I sailed into the top corner of the goal.
Ten minutes later another opportunity this time the horse buried in low in the other corner of the net .
3-2 game on.
The visitors captain was by now feed up with having a horse on the pitch.He kept appealing to the ref saying how unfair it was .But by now they worked out it was Tom who clearly was feeding the horse .Stop Tom they would stop the horse.
Tom received the ball by the half way line with only 10 minutes remaining. He shouted at his horse "RUN"The horse turn to Tom and said to everyone's amazement."Run if I could run I would be at Epsom".
 
It was Christmas time and the housewife was waiting impatiently outside for the dustman to arrive. one by one, she took the dustman to her bedroom and made passionate love to them. Finally it was the drivers turn but she just gave him a twenty pound note. He was dissapointed and said ''whats this?''
Its for Christmas she replied. My husband said, give the driver twenty quid and fuck the rest.