Match Thread: Forlorn Forest Vs Ipswich, sponsored by Vera Lynn | Vital Football

Match Thread: Forlorn Forest Vs Ipswich, sponsored by Vera Lynn

Pope John XXIII

Vital Football Legend
Preamble

This is not a positive thread because its author is close to despair. If you are looking for happy vibes or fairy stories, you will be disappointed. If you are looking for a St Crispin's day style call to arms you will be disappointed. If you are easily offended by cynicism and a negative outlook, I recommend you don't read ahead and don't blame me if you do- you were warned.

It's getting desperate. What an utterly shit season from start to finish.

I have seen probably two games I enjoyed and a few others that were decent for a half. The rest have been desperate, turgid shit.

More or less, if we haven't been playing QPR we have been average at best and incompetent at worst.

I would say that I can't wait for this season to end, but at the same time I don't want to rush things. Make no mistake, our current trajectory is to League One.

Not this season. I agree with others that say we have done enough. It would need an extraordinary collapse and an incredible run from more than one club to relegate us this season.

But we haven't made any progress in years. It's debatable whether our squad is stronger. We have managed to scrape enough one goal wins to stay clear of trouble this season but the trajectory has still been downwards and League One is calling this club. I've seen it before- clubs threatening relegation for several years in a row tend to eventually oblige. And because they have been shit for years, they don't necessarily come back. Coventry City spring to mind.

Significant, intelligent investment is needed this summer. We didn't get that intelligent investment last summer. We patched things up this January. There needs to be a strategy that is decided by more than one person and outside of just their staff. There needs to be proper oversight of who we are signing, rather than being unhappy with it later and sacking that man when it is too late. A huge amount of work needs to be done to actually progress this squad and club, and that has not been done at any juncture this season.

But first we have a job to do.

We are the first game of the post McCarthy era. That's unlucky. He was leaving. The players probably want him gone and the fans definately did. At the most negative point in our season they come to us at their most positive for years. I wouldn't expect them to be different tactically but the players will have a freedom they haven't had before. They could be a shambles, but it could also be the worst time in years to play Ipswich.

And tomorrow Karanka faces equalling a real record of shitness. Cotterill's incredibly 7 game goaless run is under threat. Our April goal of the month competition remains unbothered and patience from the fans is not inexhaustible, even though the actual city ground crowd are intelligent enough to see what some on here are blind to

For me this isn't the crucial game. Barnsley is and I will never support Karanka again if he loses that one as we lost to Blackburn this time last year.

But equally we can finish this horrific season tomorrow if we win and Barnsley lose.

Teams

There isn't much needs saying about Ipswich and there isn't much we don't already know. They switch between several formations, with 4-2-3-1 dominant. But their last game was a 4-3-3 and the away game before that saw 5-3-2 so got knows what they will try.

Ipswich are physical and direct. They play long balls and attack with width. They like to take on the fullback, put crosses in and see them nodded in by Waghorn. They win more aerial duels (29) per game than anyone I have seen and their passing accuracy is the lowest (66%) of any side I have seen. But that won't matter, because we have two of the worst Fullbacks I have ever seen in a red shirt at this level and Ipswich could easily have a field day tormenting the inadequate duo. It's not exactly difficult to win a free header from Fox and Fig either and either Waghorn or Garner will very happily accept the bountiful gifts out pathetic defence offer up- they certainly did back before Christmas.

And of course, as soon as Ipswich score, it's time for us all to pack up and go home. We are the worst team in the division for coming from behind and Ipswich are one of the best for defending a lead.

I increasingly despair as I research the opposition weaknesses, as invariably their weaknesses are all things we are utterly shit at.

So Ipswich are crap at defending set pieces. Well, the only forest side I have ever seen as bad as this one at set pieces is last year's side. The last corner I remember seeing us score from was one that was utterly appalling but the opposition gifted us the ball back. We have been embarrassing at set pieces both offensively and defensively all season.

They are weak at defending down the wings. No problem, our Fullbacks are so dogshit that it won't ever be a problem. Put a scarecrow on the touchline and Darikwa will never go forward again, while Osborn would think about it and then pass sideways.

They are weak at defending against counter-attacking sides. Yet the idea of us getting the ball forward quickly is almost laughable- there is literally no one up front whenever we break. Some poor midfielder, usually Lolley has to run forlornly into a cul de sac hoping that someone might help him. There is a gaping chasm where he is aiming for as Tomlin limbers upfield.

They are poor at defending long shots. That's good news, because it means we can once again rack up 17 shots worth of daisy cutters or orbital shots without ever threatening to actually put one in the net.

Can we best Ipswich? Of course we can! They are a bang average side. In fact, I don't think any club epitomises the championship as much as Ipswich. On their day they can beat anybody, on their day they can get hammered by anybody. Consistently inconsistent, with mediocre strikers who get a mediocre amount of goals. Mistakes aplenty, agricultural but can play a bit too. Anybody who plays well will usually beat them, anybody who plays badly will lose, as we did last year.

But you've got to score of course.

Players

Ipswich have a number of goal threats that put our players to shame, which is about as difficult as getting a vague answer from Teresa May.

Martyn Waghorn is the old warhorse who isn't even that old. He specialises in scoring exactly the sort of goal we love to pathetically concede, and he has 14 of the bastards so far and 8 assists. He is exactly the sort of player we need and thought we were getting in Murphy. Of course, Mick McCarthy spent far less than half the £2m we spent on Murphy.

Our old mate Joe Garner is having his only ever decent season at this level. He has got a very mediocre ten goals, which is nothing to get excited about- unless you are a forest team whose three strikers have managed just 11 between them all fucking season.

In a 4-2-3-1 Garner tends to up front and Waghorn behind, but presumably they make a two.

Ipswich also have midfielders who score (ALL season, not just 1/3 of it- imagine that kind of competence!!)

Our old mate McGoldrick is having a typical Ipswich season- scoring the odd goal (6) while constantly being injured and being available for less than half (18 appearances). Keep an eye out for Bersant Celina, a fantastic 21 year old attacking midfielder who has 7 goals already and looks a great find. 23 year old Grant Ward completes attacking midfield. He doesnt score many but has five assists.

In defensive midfield they have another good young player, Callum Connelly. He has 3 goals and is one of their highest rated players. He tends to sit alongside Cole Skuse, who we remember playing for Bristol in our L1 days.

I could talk about their defence, but what's the point? It's decent and doesn't even need to be.

I would absolutely love to see what Mick McCarthy could do here with a bit of money. They have some great young players, they have brought in goalscorers and unknown midfieldera who can actually score and they have spent absolutlely fuck all for years. They aren't great, but they are a competent championship side and I can't remember when we could last call ourselves that.

So, what are the threats?

All of it. They have young, hungry Midfielders that will run at us, but they will have been working all week on attacking our Fullbacks and putting crosses in the box. The scouting reports of every single team will no doubt say one thing clearly- put the ball in the forest box and you will score. That is exactly what they will look to do.

Form

Ipswich are fourth bottom of the 6 game form league, having won their first in 7 on Tuesday.

We are second bottom of the same form league, having not won or scored in 6 games.

But obviously, this is the first game of a new era for Ipswich. That turns things on its head.

Our game is so shit that the BBC haven't bothered to preview it yet, so I will add any further tidbits when they do.

Official Vatican Prediction

Martyn Waghorn will score a free header in the box at some point. If he doesn't, someone else will, or will score a knockdown from a free header.

I don't really need to make any predictions other than that, as if i'm right about that one thing the game is over.

I think Karanka will equal Cotterill's record and certain people on here will go into apoplexy.

Weather
It's going to be a warm 15°c, with more horrible grey skies bit light winds. 1015 mb of pressure is light compared to the pressure on this complete sack of shit of a squad to score a fecking goal.

Inspirational Picture

Our sponsor, who feels totally appropriate today:

We'll score again,
Don't know where,
Don't know when,
But we'll score again, some sunny day....


What do people think will happen first- us scoring or is actually getting some sunshine in Nottingham? Place your bets.

Below is Vera Lynn, pictured around the time that Forest last put the ball in the net
 

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I'll be optimistically singing ....." WE'LL SCORE ONCE THIS MONTH...WE'LL SCORE ONCE THIS MOOONNTH ......WE'RE NOTTINGHAM FOREST .....WE'LL SCORE ONCE THIS MONTH " .......followed by an Osborn goal direct from a corner that the keeper mis-judges and then the subsequent chaotic celebratory scenes within the CG , pitch invasion , Ebby streaking , the full works.
Bring it on !
Then we'll fold tamely and concede 3 pathetically soft goals .....all from set pieces.
 
Barnsley v Bolton going to be the main match of interest. If we win tomorrow (Ha!) then Bolton also have to win to catch us.
 
Here's a scenario for us all;

We lose yet again today and Barnsley beat Bolton.

That puts us 6 points clear of barnsley and 7 clear of Bolton.

Of course we then fuck up against Barnsley, putting them 3 points behind us.

But Bolton will then still be 7 points behind us with 9 to play for.

I assume they'll beat us on the last day, so call it four points clear with 6 to play for.

Bolton need to win every game for us to go down basically.
 
We need to have a philosophy & stick with it as every season towards the end we’ve pissed away money & are always in need of a massive overhaul. I care not a jot if we score or win today, it’s not just the season that’s over, it’s Forest as anything other than a depressing money pit. In terms of relegation I remain calm but nervous about the whole thing.
 
Here's a scenario for us all;

We lose yet again today and Barnsley beat Bolton.

That puts us 6 points clear of barnsley and 7 clear of Bolton.

Of course we then fuck up against Barnsley, putting them 3 points behind us.

But Bolton will then still be 7 points behind us with 9 to play for.

I assume they'll beat us on the last day, so call it four points clear with 6 to play for.

Bolton need to win every game for us to go down basically.
Yeah it’s that horrible situation where to all intents and purposes we should be safe. However mathematically we can still be caught and our terrible form means it is not quite as unlikely as it really should be.
 
Yeah it’s that horrible situation where to all intents and purposes we should be safe. However mathematically we can still be caught and our terrible form means it is not quite as unlikely as it really should be.


I thought there was a real danger until I looked at the numbers.

Bolton have three games after today. They can easily win two of them (Burton and us)

First will be against Wolves. Wolves will be promoted as Champions on Sunday. You would say the week after is their most beatable. But still, three wins in a row, even against two absolutely shit teams is a hard ask.

And in reality we aren't absolutely shit. We are just frustrating. We should have won on Tuesday and had the best chances by a mile. It's not outside the realms of possibility that we actually get a result at some point
 
Has McCarthy gone then? I thought he was staying on until the end of the season? Must have missed that.
As shocking as we have been, I have this sneaky feeling we might score a few today. I have no idea why, just a feeling.
 
In my head I know you are right and I have told myself the very same. I think I was just hoping to see us finish the season with a bit of a flourish in about 13th to 15th.

I never relax until it is mathematical though because one day someone is going to fall foul of it and knowing our luck it will be us!

Hopefully we beat Ipswich today and then we can look forward to whatever next season will bring.
 
Am stuck at work til 4 today so can’t get to the game. Knowing my luck today will be the day we break our duck and smash 4 past them! ?
 
Has McCarthy gone then? I thought he was staying on until the end of the season? Must have missed that.
As shocking as we have been, I have this sneaky feeling we might score a few today. I have no idea why, just a feeling.


He walked out after the beat Barnsley on Tuesday.

He made a sub that the crowd reacted badly to and in his interview he said he wouldn't have to put up with that again because he was walking there and then
 
The law of averages prevails and we're overdue for something different.
With a bit of luck ( and we're overdue for that ) today will be the day.

Bit late in the day Pope but well done once again.
 
Team unchanged from Tuesday. Many of their key goalscorers are not playing today: Celina, Garner and McGoldrick not playing. Waghorn up front