Pride of Lions
I am now official
I had a vacetomy six years ago....... it didn't work though.
All it did was change the colour of the kids....
All it did was change the colour of the kids....
Joke
- Thread starter coyleos
- Start date
JuanPabloAngel
Alert Team
It’s was 4 years ago when my best friend Patrick came running out of the room shouting "It’s a boy! It’s a boy!" with tears in his eyes.
We have never been back to Thailand since…
We have never been back to Thailand since…
BodyButter
Vital Football Legend
The Fear
A Wise Man (once sat next to him)
Pride of Lions
I am now official
Lockdown is so strict in Australia, Home and Away is now just called Home.
Pride of Lions
I am now official
What do you call a tenor who's fooled by an inactive medical treatment?
Placebo Domingo.
Placebo Domingo.
Pride of Lions
I am now official
My mate works as a back doctor in Egypt
He's a Cairopractor
He's a Cairopractor
Pride of Lions
I am now official
The Taliban have now promised to send a Paralympic team to Paris in 2024...
JuanPabloAngel
Alert Team
seanie ward
Vital Squad Member
years ago i was reading the sunday papers and i saw an advert for a capo de monte figure of a soldier drummer, so i sent off for it, however when it came, i didnt like it, so i sent it back, only trouble was , i had addressed it to myself. seanie
JuanPabloAngel
Alert Team
My uncle died suddenly, crushed by a piano.
The funeral was very low key.
The funeral was very low key.
The Fear
A Wise Man (once sat next to him)
A man on his Harley was riding along a Victorian beach road when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice,
God said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Tasmania so I can ride over anytime I want."
God replied, "Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of Bass Strait and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
God said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Tasmania so I can ride over anytime I want."
God replied, "Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of Bass Strait and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
Pride of Lions
I am now official
My Scottish cousin went to his doctors.
"Have you got anything for a wee cough" he asked
The doctor replied "What d'you think I am, a bloody travel agent?"
"Have you got anything for a wee cough" he asked
The doctor replied "What d'you think I am, a bloody travel agent?"
Pride of Lions
I am now official
I was watching a snooker match last night.
One of the players caused a bit of controversy when he used a pile of coins to support his cue when taking one difficult shot.
He argued that change is as good as a rest.
One of the players caused a bit of controversy when he used a pile of coins to support his cue when taking one difficult shot.
He argued that change is as good as a rest.
Pride of Lions
I am now official
I got really drunk last night.
When I got to the bottom of the stairs I took off my coat, shoes, top, jeans and underpants..... I then crept up the stairs very quietly.
It was only when I got to the top when I remembered...... I was on the bus.
When I got to the bottom of the stairs I took off my coat, shoes, top, jeans and underpants..... I then crept up the stairs very quietly.
It was only when I got to the top when I remembered...... I was on the bus.
Pride of Lions
I am now official
My wife was going through her wardrobe, she said "Look at this, it still fits me after twenty five years".
I said, "Yeah, it's been a good scarf that".
I said, "Yeah, it's been a good scarf that".
Pride of Lions
I am now official
What's got 200 legs and stinks of stale piss?
The front row at a Cliff Richard concert
The front row at a Cliff Richard concert
Pride of Lions
I am now official
In other news, Flat earthers have arranged a global conference.
Pride of Lions
I am now official
Thousands of eggs have been stolen from a local farm.
Police suspect poachers are to blame.
Police suspect poachers are to blame.
Pride of Lions
I am now official
Don't you just hate it when something goes wrong with your laptop and the resident IT expert isn't available to fix it.......
Because he's 6 years old and it's past his bedtime.......
Because he's 6 years old and it's past his bedtime.......
