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I remember the first time I was trying to get a girls bra off and I was really struggling! I then realised it was a different type of bra to my gran!
We've got a lady butcher. I said a £ a fillet. She said £20 you don't!!Saw a bloke talking to a cheetah - I thought he's trying to pull a fast one!
A butcher bet me £100 quid that i couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. I said I'm not accepting that the steaks are too high!
I worked with this bloke in the 80s who would make up his own replies to that page it was hysterical.Dear Deidre, The other day standing by my bedroom window, I saw my neighbour's daughter sunbathing topless in the garden. As I was knocking one out, I turned to notice my Wife standing there, arms crossed and staring at me......Is she a pervert?
A few from the late great Spike.
Spike Milligan
Starting with The Goon Show in the 1950s, Milligan revolutionised comedy with his brilliantly surreal imagination, inspiring the likes of Monty Python and Eddie Izzard.
“I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, ‘Why should I? He never reads any of mine.’ “
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. ”
“I have the body of an 18 year old. I keep it in the fridge.”
“I don’t mind dying. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”
“We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.”
“And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said he would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.”
My wife met him at a book signing. She is on the short side .He made a remark to that affect to which she simply laughed. Anyone else would have got a ear bashing. But Spike had a way of making the most rude or meaningless remark funny .I suppose it is about timing and not taking anything seriously.I remember seeing Spike Milligan getting the lifetime achievement at the comedy awards...
“I’m not going to thank anyone because I did it all myself”
They read out a letter from Prince Charles saying well done to Spike!
Spike’s reply...”Grovelling Bastard”