Joke Time | Page 4 | Vital Football

Joke Time

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Nan would always text “please come round my arthritis is getting worse”

After a while the text messages stopped so I assume she got better
 
Bloke takes his goldfish to the vets and says 'my goldfish is epileptic'. Vet says 'it looks ok to me' .. the bloke says ' i haven't taken it out the bowl yet'
 
Yesterday I launched my book aim at 3-6 year olds! Im very pleased to say I hit one of the little shits!
 
I went to this club and they said it was £15 or for £20 you get a meal! After 20 minutes this black naked oiled man came over and said “hi, my names emile”
 
At school the teacher said that N was the letter of the day...
“Tom, give me a word of something you are not very good at beginning with N”

“Spelling”
 
Today I changed my energy supplier from Red Bull to Lucozade
 
My wife wanted treating for her birthday! Cuprinol Wood Stain turned out to be a bad idea, although she does have a really good tan....Medium Oak!
 
Went to the doctor and she asked me to provide a stool sample, so I have enrolled on a basic woodworking course!
 
Just phoned B&Q and said to the bloke "How big's the queue mate?"
He said, "Same size as the B."
 
A family friend has been arrested for smuggling parts! They found a rhino’s horn up her jumper and a camel’s toe in her leggings!
 
I know it’s too early to be thinking about christmas, but I have got my wife an artificial leg as a stocking filler!
 
We always get a Christmas jumper and it’s always my job to talk them down!
 
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