Islamic preacher warns

kefkat

kefkat

Vital Football Legend
Islamic preacher warns that men who masturbate will get their hands PREGNANT... and will have to look after their offspring in the afterlife

:19: :19: :19: :19: :19: (When you get to the pearly gates you will also be presented with a bill for spiritual maintenance no doubt) :19: :19: :19:

I kid you not; you couldn't make this up. Be very scared guys, be very scared

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A preacher has said those who masturbate will find their hands pregnant

Mucahid Cihad Han was responding to a viewer's question on live TV
He added the man will have to look after his hands' offspring in the afterlife


An Islamic preacher has made the astonishing claim that those who masturbate will find their hands pregnant and be forced to raise the offspring in the afterlife.
Turkish preacher Mucahid Cihad Han made the comments in response to a viewer's startlingly honest query during a broadcast on live TV.
At first appearing puzzled by the caller's question, he eventually warned him to 'resist Satan's temptations'.


Cont: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3097092/Islamic-preacher-warns-men-masturbate-hands-PREGNANT-look-offspring-afterlife.html
 
:10: :10: :10: :10: :10: :10: :10: :10: OM FECKED THEN WHEN I POP IT :17:
 
So i want to know from this wan**ng expert, how many w*nks times how how many kids i have to pay for when i die or is it x amount of w*nks equals x amounb of lives to pay for,,,will the CSA be chasing me oh and will they be like mini kids stuck to my hand that i can't leave with the Mrs and have a break from??
 
No doubt there will be some non sensical non muslim stick up for the nutcase.

Just imagine what is spouted that we dont know about.
 
LOL ya cor mek it up with people like this in the world can ya ffs LOL
 
I think this is brilliant.....




Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next week in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.


The unrest began last week when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% from 72 to 54.



A spokesman said that increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press:



"Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the balls."



Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained:



"I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands.

They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.



Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife.



It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures, or laying people off.



I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up”.

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle.



Many Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.

 
PMSL LOL THAT IS BRILLIANT LOL Hey it wouldn't surprise me you know if this ends up happening LOL
 
That's brilliant LORD RON!...... Is that all your own work or did you pick it up somewhere? If it's your own work, you should put in for a site journalist slot........
 
Pride of Lions - 26/5/2015 18:24

That's brilliant LORD RON!...... Is that all your own work or did you pick it up somewhere? If it's your own work, you should put in for a site journalist slot........
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Not putting my name to anything, don't want em doing a Salman Rushdie on me. :17: :17:

Wish I'd put it on a new posting so more villans would see it.
 
LORD RON SAUNDERS - 26/5/2015 19:03

Pride of Lions - 26/5/2015 18:24

That's brilliant LORD RON!...... Is that all your own work or did you pick it up somewhere? If it's your own work, you should put in for a site journalist slot........
Click to expand...


Not putting my name to anything, don't want em doing a Salman Rushdie on me. :17: :17:

Wish I'd put it on a new posting so more villans would see it.
Click to expand...
Well at least you didn't add a caricature of the prophet Muhammad.
 
gator - 26/5/2015 19:09

LORD RON SAUNDERS - 26/5/2015 19:03

Pride of Lions - 26/5/2015 18:24

That's brilliant LORD RON!...... Is that all your own work or did you pick it up somewhere? If it's your own work, you should put in for a site journalist slot........
Click to expand...


Not putting my name to anything, don't want em doing a Salman Rushdie on me. :17: :17:

Wish I'd put it on a new posting so more villans would see it.
Click to expand...
Well at least you didn't add a caricature of the prophet Muhammad.
Click to expand...


not yet :17:
 
ClivetheVillan - 26/5/2015 17:10

:10: :10: :10: :10: :10: :10: :10: :10: OM FECKED THEN WHEN I POP IT :17:
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Ooh Clive. make sure you get pain relief for that! Giving birth to all them babies through a thumb could be very painful. I suppose you could suck it to help. Wonder if they would call that 'a blow job' :14: :15:
 
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