Confessions | Vital Forums



Alert Team
Welcome to the Vital confessional, a direct rip off of one on an alternative Villa website. Confess your sins and feel better.

Standards have been set high though on that "other" forum one member had been sleeping with a blood relation for years! LOL

Anyway to kick it off I will confess to visiting another Villa forum occasionally (Sorry Fear!)


Alert Team
It doesn't have to be as gross as being overly friendly with the family. For instance my first job was in a shop who sold electrical stuff to the public and contractors. We would give customers who were sound a discount. If a customer was a tosser we would overcharge them by 10p Anyway all these 10p's got put aside to pay for the xmas do. Boy we had a fantastic party more food & drink than we could handle! Nothing better than getting pissed on the funds of wankers for a year.Moral of the story don't be a twat when buying stuff.
When I was a school boy scamp I did ocassionally shop lift. Nothing big, just the ocassional cadbury's creme egg.

Ireckon petty shop lifting is something 99% of kids try at least once though. A bit like smoking and dogging.


Vital 1st Team Regular
when i was around 19 we went to i went to walkabout with a few mates. We were just minding our own business when this girl came over to us and suddenly said 'dont even think about chatting any of us up as we are too good for you lot' Cheeky bastards i thought. So i played it cool and offered the one that said it a drink to apologise for whatever we did to offend her ... to which she replied she wanted half a pint of fosters.... she was at the bar with me talking to her friends not paying much attention. Once i had the drink i drank a bit and then pissed in it whilst standing at the bar... how i got away with i will never know. But it was fun watching her drink it, she drank it all. Twat.


I put loads of drawing pins on a teachers chair facing upwards, we called him ''fanny craddock'' he stunk of fish and was useless for a teacher so when he came into class he said morning to everyone, sat down and we heard him do an almighty ''ARRRRRRRRGH'' holding his arse, he ran out got some other teachers in and the girls grassed on me and told them i did it and as usual i got detentions for a month and had to sit outside in the corridor story of my time as a kid at school chucked out of class tbh


Vital 1st Team Regular
We took our classroom door off the hinges once and then closed it. When the teacher cam in the door went flat on the floorfollowed by the teacher


LOL Barn thats a good en, one i do feel bad about to this day was mrs floyd, she was one of them teachers who screamed and held her head in tears when wound up, but she went into the closet to get some more books etc and the keys was left on the outside i locked the door and we all just played for ages she was banging the door but it was a solid door with them little windows on bless her, teachers were coming in the class over the hour but didn't realise where she was, until one of the meanest teachers going Mr Chard saw her through the window and boy did i get it, he grabbed me by my earhole dragged me down to reception where i was bollocked and put on school report and detentions as usual, but i do feel guilty tbh she was a nice woman but i was a little ba*tad tbh

The Fear

A Wise Man (once sat next to him)
Our teacher at school hit me on the head with a cricket ball and didn't apologise.

So I decided to cut the strings of his stupid guitar. He was apoplectic, especially as he could never prove who did it.

I let off the fire extinguisher in our science block.

A teacher whacked me with his flexible metre rule and for once I wasn't actually doing anything. So I kept nicking the keys to his padlock (science block again) mangling them up and returning them.

My first taste of whiskey, vodka and rum was in the science block. My mates dad used to be the manager of Victoria Wines in Mere Green, he'd nick the drink, didn't drink much himself so I'd have it.


I stole Mrs Jones cigarettes out of her handbag when she left the class for a few moments whilst I was in detention.

I let the dogs out... and I make no apologies for that.

The Fear

A Wise Man (once sat next to him)
I used to walk over cars if they were parked on the footpath. One day I did so at the end of a good old drinking session not realising there was a couple copping off inside. They weren't impressed, my mates were, they nearly died laughing.

I don't see why I should have to walk in the road though, so ner ner!


Vital Football Legend
I was walking home through the park with some mates one night after an evening in the pub. I saw something on the ground right beside the path but I couldn't make out what it was. I shouted to my mates to come and have a look when two faces peered up at me. Lol
Similar to Barney's when we were on a stag doo in Brighton there was this really annoying smelly old tramp in the bar trying to get free drinks off us and betting us he could down his pint in one quicker than us if we bought him one, got annoying after about an hour so my mates decided to give him a pint full of piss and he downed it in one.

Now I have to point out it wasn't my idea. I was just happily pissing away at the urinal when my mate came in with a 3/4 full glass (half guniess half piss) and asked me to top it up, so I obliged without even knowing what for.

The tramp was so proud that he drunk all that piss so quickly too. How he didn't notice I will never know.... it didn't look like Guiness by the time it was topped up.

I once pulled over at the side of the road to help a woman who had broken down. Turns out she had just run out of petrol so I offered to drive her to the nearest petrol station to fill up her jerry can.

As I sat there watching her fill up like a mong, with fuel spilling all down the side of the can, I thought to myself "she ain't getting back in my car with that, and making it stink of petrol!", so I just drove off. haha.

I hope she made a mental note of the way back to her car! it was only about a 2 mile walk. I'm sure she was fine.