"Miss Hickling said she has had to get rid of Rudy because she could not bear to look her in the eye." - I don't think I'll ever not find that line hilarious!
Bet he feels a right prat getting collared for that...
In his defence,he said he came home late from the pub,half pissed and his bird said,"I want a shag.Have you got a stiffy ?",which he mistook for "Go outside and shag the staffy ".