Best blags... | Page 2 | Vital Football

Best blags...

plumbob

Vital Football Hero
#21
I can't unread that! Good lord.

Just to absolutely clear, I don't wear the underwear before I send it to Lewis. What kind of pervert do you think I am?

Mrs N. is blagging again. Our Virgin wine order has gone astray so she's trying to score some free bottles.
Mrs N sounds like a good un.
My story shows what odd people those Yorkies are! Whenever my late wife had a pop and told me I'd changed, I always blamed Yorkshire influence and told her I was still a nice lad from the Midlands when we met.
 

Barney Imp

Vital Football Hero
#22
Sounds like my mum is of the same ilk is Mrs N.

In a butchers in town, she asked how much a particular joint of pork would be.

When given the price, she asked him to remove the bone - can't eat that.

When given the new price, she asked him to trim all the fat off - nobody likes fat in our house...

She agreed with the new price. And then asked him to put some of the fat in "to cook it in".

"And can you put the bone in for the dog".


Another occasion, a Saturday morning, she visited a local butchers and bought some mince. Took it home, put it in a casserole dish so as to cook it whilst she went down town. Only to realise it was off.

Back to the shop. Full of customers - Saturday morning...

Played up Joe Stink.

Butcher replaced it and apologised profusely.

Mum stormed out of the shop.

And then paused...

She had bought it from the shop down the road...

It was about this time that my dad stopped accompanying her on shopping trips.
 
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#23
Just seen Notty mention the silk underwear he sent Lewis, reminded me of this from work. Weird but entertaining, not my blag for sure!!
We found out (he made it known) there's a fella at work who does a trade in used ladies panties. He buys packs of ladies underwear from Primark and sells them on the internet as worn. "Funny" thing is that he's the one that has worn them! I'm not really sure which is more disturbing, him or the one buying them. For sure, I'd like to be there if the buyer found out who had worn them 😅
An extra twist, I'm good friends with the blokes boss. We were in a meeting with the HR boss the other day, she came over scowling. "Why did you do that to me?", my mate started pissing himself laughing, she smiled, shook her head and walked off. I asked him what had gone off. He'd told the bloke that he had better clear his little external business venture with HR in case it was breaking any company rules. Of course, he didn't think he would actually tell her what he was selling🤣🤣
I know I shouldn't but what is the going rate for used ladies underwear? I mean, am I in the wrong business?
 

plumbob

Vital Football Hero
#24
I know I shouldn't but what is the going rate for used ladies underwear? I mean, am I in the wrong business?
Sorry mate, I haven't really had any desire to ask him. Probably my aversion to weird fuckers. I'd take a guess and say, more expensive than if they were sold as having been worn by a 40-something electrician. The HR manager is a nice girl, I might ask her if she knows🤣
 
#26
On a less odd note, I did once manage to "work" for Sky tv.

I'd seen Yoko Ono was due to visit Liverpool Airport to officially name it John Lennon Airport. Now, being a big fan, and living close by at the time, I went along.
However, when it came nearer to Yoko appearing, security started clearing the area of all except tv coverage people.
I then had a quick brainwave and went and stood by a cameraman, and picked up the fluffy mike thing.
He obviously didn't know who should be with him and actually presumed I was the real soundman and started giving me instructions...and so I ended up just a couple of feet from Yoko holding this big mike close to her (and Cherie Blair too who also spoke).
No idea what happened to real soundman, I can only guess he arrived on the scene soon after I'd pre-empted him and thought he was surplus to requirements and stood back accordingly!
 

Rob the Imp

Vital Football Hero
#28
On a less odd note, I did once manage to "work" for Sky tv.

I'd seen Yoko Ono was due to visit Liverpool Airport to officially name it John Lennon Airport. Now, being a big fan, and living close by at the time, I went along.
However, when it came nearer to Yoko appearing, security started clearing the area of all except tv coverage people.
I then had a quick brainwave and went and stood by a cameraman, and picked up the fluffy mike thing.
He obviously didn't know who should be with him and actually presumed I was the real soundman and started giving me instructions...and so I ended up just a couple of feet from Yoko holding this big mike close to her (and Cherie Blair too who also spoke).
No idea what happened to real soundman, I can only guess he arrived on the scene soon after I'd pre-empted him and thought he was surplus to requirements and stood back accordingly!
That's a fantastic one, and great quick thinking!
 
#31
On a less odd note, I did once manage to "work" for Sky tv.

I'd seen Yoko Ono was due to visit Liverpool Airport to officially name it John Lennon Airport. Now, being a big fan, and living close by at the time, I went along.
However, when it came nearer to Yoko appearing, security started clearing the area of all except tv coverage people.
I then had a quick brainwave and went and stood by a cameraman, and picked up the fluffy mike thing.
He obviously didn't know who should be with him and actually presumed I was the real soundman and started giving me instructions...and so I ended up just a couple of feet from Yoko holding this big mike close to her (and Cherie Blair too who also spoke).
No idea what happened to real soundman, I can only guess he arrived on the scene soon after I'd pre-empted him and thought he was surplus to requirements and stood back accordingly!
If you had coupled that blag with a request to Yoko to support a line of worn electrician's knickers, imagine how your life could have been changed.
 

Barney Imp

Vital Football Hero
#34
My biggest blag paid huge dividends.

After camping up next to a fellow hawkfan at the first Eastern Haze festival in 2006 - my first festie and his, he was there to enjoy it and to film Dreammachine, an off shoot of the Ozric Tentacles; I also helped him fix an issue with his gearbox on his car.

We kept in touch, intending to meet up as punters at the Hawkfest in 2007.

As time drew nearer, he said that he couldn't afford to go. Later, he got in touch, saying that Hawkwind had asked him to film the entire thing. Including Dave Brock's wedding. Was I still going? Was I any good with a video camera - he wouldn't be able to do it alone.

"Yes, mate, I'm great with them" was the instant reply...

Followed, upon arrival, by "how do you turn these on?"...

Filmed many sets, and the wedding (!) and off we went. MyChoonz was the name. Lots of videos on YouTube too.

Lots of festies, by invitation, two Hawkfests, the second Eastern Haze, Moonfest, 8 Cosmic Puffins, several SRSs, some On Board The Crafts, Hastrek, CX3, several gigs...

All marvellous fun, great to be part of the scene, never a bad time.

And noticed today that our Flickr account has more than two million views...

And all because I helped a fellow fan with his car.

Can't wait to get back in a field...
 
#35
My biggest blag paid huge dividends.

After camping up next to a fellow hawkfan at the first Eastern Haze festival in 2006 - my first festie and his, he was there to enjoy it and to film Dreammachine, an off shoot of the Ozric Tentacles; I also helped him fix an issue with his gearbox on his car.

We kept in touch, intending to meet up as punters at the Hawkfest in 2007.

As time drew nearer, he said that he couldn't afford to go. Later, he got in touch, saying that Hawkwind had asked him to film the entire thing. Including Dave Brock's wedding. Was I still going? Was I any good with a video camera - he wouldn't be able to do it alone.

"Yes, mate, I'm great with them" was the instant reply...

Followed, upon arrival, by "how do you turn these on?"...

Filmed many sets, and the wedding (!) and off we went. MyChoonz was the name. Lots of videos on YouTube too.

Lots of festies, by invitation, two Hawkfests, the second Eastern Haze, Moonfest, 8 Cosmic Puffins, several SRSs, some On Board The Crafts, Hastrek, CX3, several gigs...

All marvellous fun, great to be part of the scene, never a bad time.

And noticed today that our Flickr account has more than two million views...

And all because I helped a fellow fan with his car.

Can't wait to get back in a field...
I understood about one-third of that but it sounds like a blast Barney.