A few thoughts | Vital Football

A few thoughts


Vital Youth Team
I stole off another site, I have tidied the spelling and grammar up enough to make it readable :)

Why is it that people say `I slept like a Baby` When Babies Wake up Every 2 Hours.?

If a deaf person goes to Court is it Still a Hearing.?

Why do Banks Charge on `Insufficient Funds` When they know there's not enough.?

Why do People believe you When you say there are 4 Billion Stars, BUT check when you say the Paint is Wet.?

Why are do they use Sterilized Needles for Death by Lethal Injection.?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a Beard.?

Why does Superman Stop Bullets with his Chest, BUT ducks when you throw a Gun at him.?

Why do Kamikaze Pilots wear Safety Helmets.?

Whose idea was it to put an `S` in the word Lisp.?

We no the Speed of Light, But what's the Speed of darkness.?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for `Normal` people at the Special Olympics.?

If the temperature outside today is Zero, And its going to be Twice as Cold tomorrow, How Cold Will it Be.?

If its true we're here to help others, What are the Others doing Here.?

How is it that we put man on the Moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put Wheels on luggage.?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings, And then put money in binoculars to look at the ground.?

Did you ever stop to Wonder.
Who was the First person to look at a Cow and Say, `I think I will squeeze those Pink dangly things and Drink what ever comes out.?

Who was the First person to say, `See that chicken I am going to eat the Next thing that comes out of its Bum`.?

Why do Toasters have a setting so high it burns the toast to a Horrible Crisp which NO human being would eat.?

Why is there a light in the Fridge, But not in the Freezer.?

Why do people point to their wrist when they ask for the time, But do not point to their bums when they ask where the toilet is.?

If corn oil is made from Corn, & vegetable oil is made from Vegetables, What is Baby oil made from.?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup.?

Have you ever noticed if you blow in a dogs face it gets mad, But if you take it in the car it sticks its head out the window.?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster.

And Finally,

Why oh Why do we press Harder on the Remote Control when we know that the Batteries are FLAT.?



LOL some crackers on there, i always bang the remote contrtol off my knee when the batteries are on the way out lol, but enjoyed that hehe


Vital Football Hero
Why do Toasters have a setting so high it burns the toast to a Horrible Crisp which NO human being would eat.?

My Mum would, she loves burnt toast.

If swimming's so good for you, why are whales so fat?

If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they get Teflon to stick to the pan?


Vital Youth Team
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, and then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION. 3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E; in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth...

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

And finally... In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.