A bit o' fun....... | Vital Football

A bit o' fun.......

moonay

Vital Football Hero
#4
Well, taking advantage of this nice weather, I've just been pottering, out in the front garden.

An owd chap came past in a tractor, shouting at the top of his voice ...... "The end of the world is nigh".

I think it was Farmer Geddon.
:halo:
 

jocklatic

Vital Squad Member
#5
Well, taking advantage of this nice weather, I've just been pottering, out in the front garden.

An owd chap came past in a tractor, shouting at the top of his voice ...... "The end of the world is nigh".

I think it was Farmer Geddon.
:halo:
Que the drum roll n symbol....brrrrumm tish :band2:
 

moonay

Vital Football Hero
#9
Warning:

Be careful,......there's a link going around saying it's of Chris Martin (of Coldplay) doing a live gig from his home.

DO NOT CLICK ON THE LINK

It will take you to a live stream of Chris Martin (of Coldplay) doing a live gig from his home.
 

Made in Wigan

Vital Football Hero
#10
Nicola Sturgeon, Boris Johnson, Donald Trump, Greta Thunberg and a ten year old school child were on a plane that was about to crash. They could escape but there were only four parachutes on board.

Sturgeon grabbed the first saying she needed it as she was the only person to save. Scotland.
Greta got the second saying she needed it to save the planet.
Trump grabbed the third saving he needed it as he was the smartest man in America.
Boris said to the ten year old he could take the last as he’d lived his life and the young boy had more years ahead of him.
The school child said to Boris that they could both be saved. Why is that asked Boris. Well, said the school child, there are still two parachutes left - the smartest man in America took my back pack.
 

moonay

Vital Football Hero
#12
Right, I've done plenty of poems for Mudhutter, but here's a poem/song I wrote the to tune of the St Winifred's School Choir No 1 hit, "Grandma, we love you". It was for a school PTA show that we do every year.

It seems especially poignant at this time, when so many of them (Grandmas) are in isolation.

So, to help bring a little sunshine, why not send it to your Grandma, Mum or wife ......... if you thing it would brighten their day, as opposed to getting you clobbered! ;)


Grandma
Girls
Grandma, we love you, Grandma we do
Even though you stink of pee, we still love you

There's no-one quite like Grandma, I'm sure you will agree,
She's a little glass by her bedside , where she keeps her false teeth
There's no-one quite like Grandma, she'd deaf but oh so proud
She just won't wear a hearing aid, so her telly's far radio's too loud

Grandma, we love you, Grandma we do
Your whiskers give me stubble rash, but we still love you

Grandmas
It's nice to be a Grandma, even if you smell a bit
Just as long as it's just wee, and you don't pong of sh** ("Grandma !" shout the girls)
It's lovely being a Grandma, people think you're not all there
But Grandad knows who wears the pants, let him argue if he dare

Girls
Grandma, we love you, Grandma we do
With your droopy boobs and bandy legs, we still love you

There's no-one quite like Grandma, she's got a nice warm heart,
But every time that she stands up, she lets out a little fart
There's no-one quite like Grandma, that's what my Grandad said
They used to make love every day, now it's once a year instead ("on his birthday!" shout G'mas)

Grandma, we love you, Grandma we do
Your mouth is too big for your teeth, but we still love you

Grandmas
Some day you'll be a Grandma, with grandchildren of your own
Your boyfriend will be like your Grandad, all he'll do is grumble and moan
And when you are a Grandma, just don't you forget
Your Tena-lady is your best friend, to keep you from getting wet

Grandma, we love you, Grandma we do
Even though you stink of pee, we still love you,

Grandma, we love you, Grandma we do
Everyone loves their Grandma, and Grandad too ...................we do.
 

loudmouthblue

Vital 1st Team Regular
#14
Wigan pie manufacturer Galloways along with some smaller local bakeries have come up with a test to help identify sufferers of the Corona Virus.

A spokesman for the group said "we know it affects the respiratory tract and one of the first things that goes are the senses of taste and smell therefore we have devised a system to test this"

Patients are blindfolded and they are given a meat and potato, steak and kidney and meat pie to sample, if they cannot identify which are which it is a sure sign they are infected.

Further research has shown that this only works with inhabitants of Wigan as people outside the borough don't have a clue what a good pie tastes or smells like.
 

moonay

Vital Football Hero
#15
The wife's been working from home, and has been feeling a little down, given a few technical hitches with trying to connect to her company network and phone system, resulting in a few nowty customers ............so I got an atlas, opened up a world map, gave her a dart, and told her "throw this and wherever it lands I'm taking you for a holiday when this pandemic is over".

Turns out we're spending two weeks behind the fridge.
 

Made in Wigan

Vital Football Hero
#16
The wife's been working from home, and has been feeling a little down, given a few technical hitches with trying to connect to her company network and phone system, resulting in a few nowty customers ............so I got an atlas, opened up a world map, gave her a dart, and told her "throw this and wherever it lands I'm taking you for a holiday when this pandemic is over".

Turns out we're spending two weeks behind the fridge.
Given your age, you’re probably relieved it didn’t land on the bed 😳