Weekly THFC Football Operation Meeting Minutes
Date: Friday, 13th August 2021 10am
Attendees:
Daniel Levy, Fabio Patricio, Nuno Espirito-Santo, Ryan Mason, Steve Hitchen, Ledley King
Minutes of the meeting:
Before the meeting formally started, Daniel shared an “interesting” story. Apparently, a chartered accountant friend of his had encouraged him to use a new application call Microsoft PowerPoint. Apparently, you could look good in front of other chairman if you build “slides” in advance of the meetings and hold your negotiations using them. Daniel shared with the group that he still believes that sharing a spreadsheet is the best way of holding a meeting. When you want to close a deal, it is apparently the only way.
Meeting formally commenced 10:05am
First Team Matches
Nuno was congratulated by the entire group after defeating the Gooners 1-0 in their last pre-season friendly, as part of the Mind Series. He shared with the team that he’d been watching a bunch of Simon Sinek videos on YouTube about Millenials and Gen Z and that had inspired him with his tactics. Apparently, Nuno got Ledley to spread a rumour in Edmonton a few days earlier that Zaka was going to be on the bench. Our former captain had told his thousands of disciples that all they needed to do was applaud the kid onto the pitch and he would fall to pieces in front of goal. Worked a treat. Sonny took care of the rest.
The conversation then switched to the league opener against City and the mood soon changed. The big debate, triggered by Fabio, became whether Harry should be involved or not. Nuno mentioned that Harry had arrived in the UK wearing elastic topped jeans and an XXL footie shirt he’d bought from David Beckham in Florida. As an aside, Harry also had tassels on his shoes and kept calling all his mates by the term “dude”.
Harry had also been complaining about slow play on the golf course after training. Apparently, some really old guy who went by the name Greavsie was holding him up for 10 holes and wouldn't play him through. When he finally got through, Greavsie started abusing him and calling him Judas.
Nuno confirmed that Harry wouldn’t be involved, as the last time he broke a sweat was back in 2020. He apparently needs to lose some excess baggage before he can play again. Charlie has been notified.
Transfer Activity
Nuno asked Fabio what had happened in a very disappointing week, with absolutely no transfer activity. Fabio explained that it wasn’t his fault for 2 very logical reasons.
The first reason was that he hadn’t realised that, due to Brexit his mobile phone was subject to newly reinstated international roaming charges. Eventually the phone got disconnected, and Fabio wasn’t able to call his mates in Italy and get any updates. Fabrizio Romano carried on making stuff up, regardless of Fabio not contacting anybody.
The second reason was that Fabio had spent the entire week emailing every pub in England, Scotland and Wales enquiring whether their Sunday pub team were looking for right backs and roaming midfielders.
Aurier was apparently willing to go Wales, but failed to cross……the Severn. He couldn’t find his man who was supposed to help him with his paperwork, and was seen walking back into The Lodge afterwards.
Sissoko was also willing to head to Wales and reignite his faltering career, but somehow ended up on the wrong coastline. Apparently, he was trying to bear left and head down the M4, but ended up in Aberdeen. He’ll be in John O’Groats by Monday.
Fabio instructed the group that this coming week would be the key week in the transfer window, but we’d probably not officially sign them until the week after. Fabio and Steve would be able to fly into Portugal on Wednesday and hire a camper van. They will then do a couple of unofficial one-on-ones in Portugal before driving up through Spain and France with a quick stop-off in Milan. He said he would pick up some new players on his way back and bring them to The Lodge by Sunday.
Any Other Business
The WSL Team
Rehanne Skinner had asked Daniel why the WSL team wasn’t represented at the weekly meeting. Daniel asked her to come back to him on the topic after they put in a credible performance in a North London Derby.
Chairman’s Message
Daniel told the team that he had written his message to the supporters and was ready to publish it over the weekend. With his commitment to not talking about football anymore, he decided instead to remind everyone about the riots 10 years ago, mention the loved ones that they had lost and talk about Inclusion and Diversity at the club. According to the communications team, if he always uses this approach then nobody will get past the first paragraph anyway and he'll start to rebuild his reputation with the fans.
Meeting concluded 11am
classic Mutts! These get better and better. Thanks for brightening my day.