I know Alderman and 58 will tell me the EU is a rule-governed organization which cannot budge and leaving is completely different from staying in and asking that the rules be bent backwards to accommodate me, BUT this is still a bargaining situation in which all sorts of people have an interest in worst-casing every outcome but the one for which they truly wish.
The EU says the agreement cannot be re-opened, all sorts of trouble with the 27 if we try that etc, but they are not strangers to the kind of stuff May is trying to pull -parallel understandings with legal force etc.
I think the costs of leaving to our side (it is our side), have been front-loaded. They're real, but there's all sorts of lumping going on eg JLR's problems pinned on Brexit, or the IRA come back if we leave (so that's why we'd stay in?). The costs to the EU members have been played down -there's more people -all of them, plus the people who don't want to leave here- pumping those costs for all they're worth. And they have the advantage of detailed demonstrables which are real in the day-to-day in a way that the opportunity costs of maintaining them are not. The closer we get in to doomsday, however, the more the balance will shift. The EU haven't had to think hard about the costs yet, and it has been their strategy to say we have all the cards. Closer in and their own people affected will begin to squeak. Don't get me wrong; they still have the stronger position but not so strong as that they can stick to the -impossible-for-us-to-budge line.
This is why May might be on a winner. All she needs is enough from the EU to say that we all want to get rid of the backstop asap (assuming its ever activated) and she may have the votes for her deal.
This will not make happy those who think that leaving the EU is mental because the EU offers us a better chance of social democracy than can be delivered by our own parties. But this is a feeble line of thought -depending on outside help to deliver arrangements that cannot be delivered by ourselves alone is, fundamentally, no good.
This will not make those who think that anything short of a clean break is mental happy either. I'm not sure I care about them, however. They've shown themselves to be intellectually lazy and politically incompetent. They either do not know how to make their case or it's just too much work for them. Look at Boris with all his flair when he has no responsibility and how he shrinks to nothing when it's thrust upon him, and contrast that with May. She's looking tired, they say, and sounding robotic, but she has developed a line for dealing with our divided country and stuck to it, and NO ONE else has. All they offer is -let's suppose everyone really agrees with me.
Membership of the EEC/EC/EU has never sat well with Britain. Scots and Irish nationalists may declaim to the contrary, but they still triangulate from London's discomfort, not their love of Brussels. Some of us have benefitted from the EU and grown attached to it, but only as a result of processes which emphasize how others have been left behind and feel marginalized. It's not the deal we signed on to. It is becoming less and less like the deal we signed on to and -notwithstanding the sense that while London talks about 3000 troops as aid to the civil power is presented as catastrophe, while even Paris burning cannot shake the idea that all is better across the Channel- the EU has its own, very big problems.
Back to May then. Let the EU give her some words. Let's all do the BRINO/BINO. It seems to fit where -as a country as a whole- we are right now. Give it five years. Maybe we'll be ready to crawl over broken glass to find a way back in. Maybe there'll be no "in" to crawl back to. And maybe the deal she's got will work just fine. Vassalage used to be a very respectable status. And those of you who know your history, know that the kings of England were vassals to the French king at precisely the time that we were powerful, they were feeble, and we were telling them which side their bread was buttered.